I want you to be a great parent…and love your life…and have a love life. And I know you can have it all.
I wonder, do you…
- feel overwhelmed by the act of raising kids and maybe even feel a little resentful?
- work on yourself, read self-help books, watch Super Soul Sunday, and still feel like you aren’t as happy as you know you could be?
- do everything so your kids can have a great life but look at your own life, and well, let’s just say – notice that it’s not as great as theirs?
- feel underappreciated by your husband and kids?
- exercise, spend time with girlfriends, and try to take care of yourself but you still feel maxed out and depleted?
- act like everything is okay, but actually feel like you are at a breaking point or that things are falling apart?
You are not alone my friend.
I have been coaching moms for almost four years and with each mom I get the honor of coaching, I learn more and more how similar we all are. We all want to be excellent moms and truly do the best we can, but suffer from terrible guilt that we are in some way not enough – not doing enough, not there enough, not good enough…it’s pervasive. We feel guilty if we do and we feel guilty when we don’t. And our biggest fear is that in the end, we’ve messed them up.
We love our kids in a way only parents understand.
Would you agree that it’s difficult NOT to wrap our entire world around them and forfeit ourselves in a bid to make their lives better?
What I learned for myself and continue to learn from other moms is that our guilt and self-sacrifice is taking an extreme toll on us as women. We are exhausted, unfulfilled, feeling too-much-pressure, and not as happy and fun as we thought we would be as moms.
And it’s taking a toll on our marriages as well.
We need to be honest with ourselves here – self-sacrifice is not exactly a good role model for our kids.
And your happiness and fulfillment serves your family FAR better than just pretending to be happy.
What I believe, deep in my core?
All kids deserve parents who are REAL and true to themselves—parents who love & accept themselves, and who take the time to heal their past hurts—parents who shrug off the need to conform, strive to be present, and who make their own spiritual and emotional health a priority. Parents who take responsibility for their lives and their happiness.
We’re doing our kids a disservice by neglecting to focus on ourselves because we worry it’ll take away from our children’s lives.
If we want them to take care of themselves, live a life that is true to themselves, to make their own happiness a priority, and take responsibility for their lives, it makes sense that we would have to show them the way. Right?
But what we’re really saying to them is: “Look, you can be THIS unfulfilled and unhappy, too.” Kidding. 😉
I think it’s about US taking ownership of OUR lives, US reaching to live the life we want for our children and US striving to be the person we aspire for our children to be – and then leading our kids by example. Don’t you think?
I’m Deb Blum and I want to support YOU. Parenting is such a hard job and we, parents, need a lot of love, encouragement, support, and even guidance.
You see, I’ve been where you are and frankly, it sucked.
I stayed stuck in a crappy situation for way too long, but eventually, I couldn’t handle it anymore and I decided to ownership of my life and my happiness. I was determined to find fulfillment in my life and to feel happy, like the kind you feel on a soul level. I wanted my marriage and my family to thrive not just survive. I began to rebel against the pressure to live a frenetic, overscheduled life and found a more peaceful way that is in alignment with my values and priorities. I coaxed my depressed, blamey and miserable butt to a better place by asking for help, taking courses, finding supportive coaches and therapists, and, ultimately, learning who I am and how to love myself. And I continue to heal from my childhood hurts so I can be increasingly more present, connected, and conscious in my life.
The reality is that at one point or another, we all allow our circumstances to keep us stuck where we are rather than take ownership of the things we can control and move forward. But we can decide to get unstuck.
And today is as good a day as any to decide to get unstuck, yea?
I offer a community and resource for parents who want more out of life and are ready to get unstuck. My work attracts the parents who are committed to doing their deep personal work to heal their wounds, grow personally and professionally, be emotionally healthy role models, and be happy, grounded, and sensible parents.
I promise you, if you do your inner work, you will suffer less and you will find parenting to be way easier, too.
“It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself”. ~Joyce Maynard
I believe that self-sacrifice is at the core of parental suffering…
…and that self-acceptance is at the core of healing, happiness, and personal freedom.
I am on a mission to kick self-sacrifice and guilt to the curb. I am determined to make well-being, emotional health, fulfillment, and self-love cornerstones of being a parent – the foundation on which a child is raised. No longer a luxury or “selfish” but critical and highly valued.
Want to learn a little more about my story?
As a stay-at-home mom, I was totally committed to parenting and very independent. In retrospect, I was a control freak. On the outside, people thought I looked happy and I was super high functioning.
But the reality?
I wasn’t happy. And I felt like my life was on the verge of falling apart. I was at a breaking point.
I was OVER-focused on my kids and UNDER-focused on everything else, including me.
I felt an incredible dissonance between the life that I was living and the life that I wanted to be living.
Something had to give. And, for a while, it looked like that something was my marriage. But years of Byron Katie-inspired couples counseling not only rescued my love life, but it also led me to realize something:
My happiness was up to me, NOBODY else.
We’ve been working on our marriage ever since, and today we’re stronger than we’ve ever been. I’m rediscovering myself, moment by moment, finding my voice, and stepping more and more into the truest expression of who I am. I continue to heal from my childhood wounds and as I heal, I become a better wife, better parent, and better me.
It’s taken tremendous courage and requires daily action, but the best part is that it doesn’t feel like work. It feels like my CALLING in life.
In the process of prioritizing my children, I’d forgotten to prioritize myself.
I don’t want that for you.
What I DO Want for YOU
I want you to live a life where you feel so connected to yourself, so centered in your truth, and so filled up by self-love that you no longer seek outside of yourself for happiness. You won’t feel that way all the time, but I want you to experience it enough and know how to get back to that feeling so that you find yourself in that state more and more every day.
I want you to experience the sense of peace and freedom and grace that comes from the realization that you are not your thoughts – gasp! I want for you to discover all of the places in you that keep you guarded and defended against deep connection so you can love more fiercely and connect more authentically to those in your life.
I want you to be an amazing role model for your kids – not because you are perfect, but because you are real and that you are modeling a life of personal growth and learning to connect with yourself and others, to be a truth seeker, and to value yourself enough that you continue to get to know, accept, and love yourself each and every day of your life.
I want you to embrace life and learn to live each moment without abandon (and without the need for external approval). I want you to ditch guilt, worry, and self-sacrifice and replace it with all sorts of wonderful things like curiosity, well-being, happiness, fulfillment, and compassion.
When we step away from the chaos and pressure to conform, we can find that place inside us where it is still and we can get centered in a place where everything really is okay. I want you to parent from that place. I want you to live from that place.
Thanks for your support and for being awesome parents to our future generation of kids!
Much love to you all,