Hi! I'm Deb, Self-Love + Authenticity Coach
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For nearly a decade, I've been guiding women like you back home to themselves. I'm here to remind you that YOU are your greatest medicine - you're who you've always been waiting for.
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I'm so glad you're here...
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I know what it's like to be an independent woman who gets it all done. The one who does a lot, stays busy and is on top of ALL THE THINGS. The one with the good advice, that everyone relies on, the one who's "got it all together."
I am a recovering "control-freak". My natural tendency is to plan and control things. And the truth is, it's served me well in many ways. But when I was about 39 years old (with 5 and 7 year old kids), my life started to fall apart. No matter how much MORE I did or how well I planned, I was unhappy, restless...miserable. I was convinced that my life and my husband needed to change for me to be happy. A year later, I was on the verge of leaving my marriage. At this crisis point, my husband and I entered couples' counseling. I was positive that there was no hope for our marriage, but I also needed to give it one last shot. [Read more about my story here.] |
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Ever since then (slowly, but surely), I've been on the journey back home to myself. It took me a while to let go of my childish fairy-tale fantasies about marriage and to grow into a woman. It took me even longer to let go of the illusion that other people needed to change for me to be happy. I was a master at blaming, criticizing and judging. I had anger management issues that I felt were just "who I was".
No matter how I slice it or dice it. No matter how many courses I take, books I read or coaches I work with - it's become 100% clear to me that the "secret" to having a better life is absolutely to love who we ARE (all, not only the bits we "like"). To bring more of ourselves to our life. To stop believing that anyone or thing outside of us decides our worthiness, and instead, claim it. The secret is self-love.
The strategies and formulas, the habits and goals, the fixing and improving - none of them get to the core "problem". Each of them says "you need to do better or be better". Each one validates our "not enough" story. Each one resists loving who we are. Each one tells us that we need to be better in order to be lovable.
And it's simply not true. When we love ourselves, our life gets better. We have it backwards. We don't need to do xyz to BE lovable so we can get a better life. Self-love comes FIRST.
It's the abandonment and rejection of who we are that causes us to suffer. It's the disconnection from our hearts and from our true selves that makes life bland and intolerable. It's the resistance of how we feel and of life itself that results in a life filled with struggle.
I make self-love practical. To so many it feels inaccessible but I know for sure that it's gettable, for everyone who wants it and commits to it.
So I wonder - are YOU feeling like your life is lacking in some ways? Like you want something MORE? Or worse, your life is really a hot mess and you don't know where to turn for support?
Here's what I think - in your pursuit to be successful, raise your kids and "do life", you've left parts of yourself behind. Maybe the fun and playful parts? Your creative and parts? Your connection to your body and feelings? Maybe you're not so interested in sex and not taking as good care of yourself as want to be? Perhaps you've hardened your heart a bit to survive life, but now it's causing you to feel a lack of connection, excitement and vitality?
(Or are you someone who's done "all the inner work personal growth things" and you still haven't appreciated the results you expected? This work may finally bring you to the breakthroughs you need to create sustainable inner peace and fulfillment.)
I believe that there are three main reasons why we, as women, are struggling to have the relationships we want, the happiness that we deserve and the life that we thought that we'd have:
We spend a lot of time trying to control the outside world in a bid to feel worthy, loved, safe, secure and enough.
At the core of it all, we worry that we're simply not enough - not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough...not enough. Or too much - no one can handle us - we're just too much. So we have to play small, hide, not impose.
It's time to stop waiting for the outside world to tell us we're enough and to turn to self-love. To realize we've always been enough, always been lovable, always been worthy. Self-love gets us everything we want. The safety and security? Self-love is the way. The love and feeling of being worthy? Self-love. The relationships we crave? Self-love. Are you getting the gist?
Here is the high level map of the self-love journey. Each of us has a different specific path because each of us is unique. But together we identify your own trailheads that guide you back to yourself.
Ultimately, self-love provides you with the courage to fully step into who you are - to BE MORE YOU and to bring more of you into all that you do. And that is where the magic is.
We live a better life. We feel whole, fulfilled and energized.
We know and trust ourselves, feel connected to our heart and body and really accept and love ourselves for who we are which means we feel safe and secure from the inside-out.
We know what we want and don't want and are willing to ask for what we want and set clear boundaries - even at the risk of disappointing others.
We no longer need everything to go our way to feel satisfied.
We no longer need others to be a certain way to feel fulfilled or loved.
We no longer need the world to be in order for us to feel inner peace.
We no longer need external validation to believe that we're good enough.
We gain the courage to bring our unique self, voice and gifts into the world!
No matter how I slice it or dice it. No matter how many courses I take, books I read or coaches I work with - it's become 100% clear to me that the "secret" to having a better life is absolutely to love who we ARE (all, not only the bits we "like"). To bring more of ourselves to our life. To stop believing that anyone or thing outside of us decides our worthiness, and instead, claim it. The secret is self-love.
The strategies and formulas, the habits and goals, the fixing and improving - none of them get to the core "problem". Each of them says "you need to do better or be better". Each one validates our "not enough" story. Each one resists loving who we are. Each one tells us that we need to be better in order to be lovable.
And it's simply not true. When we love ourselves, our life gets better. We have it backwards. We don't need to do xyz to BE lovable so we can get a better life. Self-love comes FIRST.
It's the abandonment and rejection of who we are that causes us to suffer. It's the disconnection from our hearts and from our true selves that makes life bland and intolerable. It's the resistance of how we feel and of life itself that results in a life filled with struggle.
I make self-love practical. To so many it feels inaccessible but I know for sure that it's gettable, for everyone who wants it and commits to it.
So I wonder - are YOU feeling like your life is lacking in some ways? Like you want something MORE? Or worse, your life is really a hot mess and you don't know where to turn for support?
Here's what I think - in your pursuit to be successful, raise your kids and "do life", you've left parts of yourself behind. Maybe the fun and playful parts? Your creative and parts? Your connection to your body and feelings? Maybe you're not so interested in sex and not taking as good care of yourself as want to be? Perhaps you've hardened your heart a bit to survive life, but now it's causing you to feel a lack of connection, excitement and vitality?
(Or are you someone who's done "all the inner work personal growth things" and you still haven't appreciated the results you expected? This work may finally bring you to the breakthroughs you need to create sustainable inner peace and fulfillment.)
I believe that there are three main reasons why we, as women, are struggling to have the relationships we want, the happiness that we deserve and the life that we thought that we'd have:
- We've been taught that we have to prove our worth so we spend our lives thinking we're loved for what we do not for who we are, and we act accordingly - busy, achieving, doing and ever focused on productivity - doing whatever we can to prove we're enough. And we think that other people's perceptions of us determine our worthiness.
- We got hurt and we live our lives defending against being hurt again - trying to control, strategize, prepare, worry, analyze and think our way through life, which leaves us cut off from our heart.
- We live our lives for other people - afraid of disappointing them, afraid of losing their love - we abandon ourselves and people-please, looking externally to get our emotional needs met.
We spend a lot of time trying to control the outside world in a bid to feel worthy, loved, safe, secure and enough.
At the core of it all, we worry that we're simply not enough - not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough...not enough. Or too much - no one can handle us - we're just too much. So we have to play small, hide, not impose.
It's time to stop waiting for the outside world to tell us we're enough and to turn to self-love. To realize we've always been enough, always been lovable, always been worthy. Self-love gets us everything we want. The safety and security? Self-love is the way. The love and feeling of being worthy? Self-love. The relationships we crave? Self-love. Are you getting the gist?
Here is the high level map of the self-love journey. Each of us has a different specific path because each of us is unique. But together we identify your own trailheads that guide you back to yourself.
- Self-Care. Here is where we make the commitment to ourselves to treat ourselves as if we matter and as if we love ourselves. This is the beginning of the self-love journey. Here, we grant ourselves permission to take care of ourselves, to love ourselves and to enjoy our lives.
- Self-Awareness. Once we notice that we exist and decide we matter, we begin to look more clearly at who we are, what we want, what we don't want and what life we want to create.
- Reclaim Heart. We take the journey from our heads into our hearts because that is where our true self and self-trust is found. While here, we learn the language of emotions and body sensations.
- Nervous System Regulation. Without a regulated nervous system, it's hard to really cultivate sustainable change and find inner peace.
- Self-Worth. We cultivate self-knowledge and realize our worth and innate value through self-acceptance and self-love.
- Shadow Integration. Most people stop at self-love. But these next two steps are critically important. In order to really love ourselves, we must love all of ourselves. This is when we come into true wholeness because we reclaim all of the exiled, disowned and rejected aspects of self. Think of this as the search and rescue mission for all of your fragmented pieces. When we become more integrated, we feel more congruent and whole - we feel more safe in our body. More centered. Less anxious and when we have waves of anxiety, they pass more quickly. We also reclaim our vitality and life force energy.
- Be More You. When we develop an intimate relationship with ourselves, we'll never abandon ourselves again. We know who we are and we courageously live in integrity with our true selves. This is where we learn how to set boundaries, ask for what we need, show up more fully and live most authentically.
Ultimately, self-love provides you with the courage to fully step into who you are - to BE MORE YOU and to bring more of you into all that you do. And that is where the magic is.
We live a better life. We feel whole, fulfilled and energized.
We know and trust ourselves, feel connected to our heart and body and really accept and love ourselves for who we are which means we feel safe and secure from the inside-out.
We know what we want and don't want and are willing to ask for what we want and set clear boundaries - even at the risk of disappointing others.
We no longer need everything to go our way to feel satisfied.
We no longer need others to be a certain way to feel fulfilled or loved.
We no longer need the world to be in order for us to feel inner peace.
We no longer need external validation to believe that we're good enough.
We gain the courage to bring our unique self, voice and gifts into the world!
"It takes courage...to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”
—Marianne Williamson, "Return to Love"
Life happens, it’s how we respond that matters. It’s what we do with what life hands us.
Humanity will never be whole and healed unless and until each of us remembers who we are, why we are here and gets on our own life path. We’re being called to take our place in this thing called life – to wake up and to show up. To see that life’s challenges are the fodder for our growth, for discovering what’s true for us, for healing from our pasts and for knowing how to move forward.
I’m the kind of person who likes to explore at the edges. I question things, I’m comfortable with change, and I try to be courageous. I crave truth over ego and I’m a catalyst, an activator and a motivator. I often see things differently than others and I always see limitless possibilities and an expanded view of whatever I’m exploring. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been called to the path less traveled. More often than not, that means I’m pushed out of my comfort zone.
Humanity will never be whole and healed unless and until each of us remembers who we are, why we are here and gets on our own life path. We’re being called to take our place in this thing called life – to wake up and to show up. To see that life’s challenges are the fodder for our growth, for discovering what’s true for us, for healing from our pasts and for knowing how to move forward.
I’m the kind of person who likes to explore at the edges. I question things, I’m comfortable with change, and I try to be courageous. I crave truth over ego and I’m a catalyst, an activator and a motivator. I often see things differently than others and I always see limitless possibilities and an expanded view of whatever I’m exploring. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been called to the path less traveled. More often than not, that means I’m pushed out of my comfort zone.
My Vision
I believe that we suffer emotionally, physically and spiritually when we abandon the truth of who we are. When we sacrifice our authenticity in a bid to be accepted. When we live cut off from our heart in effort to protect ourselves and feel safe in an often scary and difficult world. Our heart is where our home is and where our true self resides therefore being connected to and living from our heart is what makes us feel whole.
The antidotes are (1) to see for ourselves and live from the truth that we've always been loved for who we are, not what we do, (2) to journey from our head to our heart, and (3) to courageously show up more and more as the most real and true version of ourselves in all areas of our lives.
It can take a lifetime to accomplish these three things. And, sadly, most people will never even begin to do this work.
My vision is to create a world where we love ourselves completely and know our worth; we're each free to be our most authentic, wholehearted selves; and where we all encourage one another to keep evolving and growing into more and more of who we are and to stay connected to and aligned with our hearts.
Unfortunately, life teaches us how to cut off from our hearts, to resist and control life, to hustle for our worthiness and to be independent and self-sufficient. When actually what generates fulfillment, well-being and inner peace is being in connection with our heart and body, flowing with life as it is and feeling supported and loved for who you are.
The antidotes are (1) to see for ourselves and live from the truth that we've always been loved for who we are, not what we do, (2) to journey from our head to our heart, and (3) to courageously show up more and more as the most real and true version of ourselves in all areas of our lives.
It can take a lifetime to accomplish these three things. And, sadly, most people will never even begin to do this work.
My vision is to create a world where we love ourselves completely and know our worth; we're each free to be our most authentic, wholehearted selves; and where we all encourage one another to keep evolving and growing into more and more of who we are and to stay connected to and aligned with our hearts.
Unfortunately, life teaches us how to cut off from our hearts, to resist and control life, to hustle for our worthiness and to be independent and self-sufficient. When actually what generates fulfillment, well-being and inner peace is being in connection with our heart and body, flowing with life as it is and feeling supported and loved for who you are.
Self-love is absolutely gettable - here are some of the things we all need to learn to get there:
And as a result, create a new way of being in the world. One where we don't have to sacrifice authenticity for acceptance, where we realize that our vulnerability is our strength, where we love ourselves so fiercely that we'll never abandon ourselves again and where we live in integrity and harmony with our true selves and bring this true self to everything we do.
- take better care of ourselves - physically, emotionally and spiritually - in actionable and doable baby steps
- cultivate emotional resilience in order to create the safety for us to explore and open our vulnerable hearts
- do the cognitive healing to better understand how humans work and to remove the layers of conditioning and expectations that keep us from knowing our true selves, our true voice and our true path in this life,
- learn how to deal with our busy minds, relentless thoughts, stressful pressures and inner critic,
- find our hearts underneath the armor and masks, personals and protection and tap into the richness of our emotional depths,
- hold with love that which is hurting so we can grow to feel safer to open up our hearts and bring our hearts into the world,
- explore our soft and tender wounded hearts, find all of the parts we've disowned, exiled and left behind and, together, love ourselves back into wholeness,
- bring more compassion, gentleness, intimacy, love, closeness and connection to ourselves and those around us,
- heal our physical hearts so we can live long, fulfilling and emotionally nourishing lives,
- discover that which brings us pleasure and joy, that which brings us alive and on purpose,
- courageously be our authentic selves living our lives fully and in integrity with our soul's path, and
- feel safely held in community where it's safe to be real and true to ourselves and where we know we'll be supported and lifted up by one another.
And as a result, create a new way of being in the world. One where we don't have to sacrifice authenticity for acceptance, where we realize that our vulnerability is our strength, where we love ourselves so fiercely that we'll never abandon ourselves again and where we live in integrity and harmony with our true selves and bring this true self to everything we do.