Are you change agent? Maybe you see things differently. You’ve got the courage to disrupt the status quo and break through the barriers into a new way. A new future.

But we all know that change doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Change happens in communion with your community, family, loved ones, business partners, the organization.

That’s the beauty of change.

A ripple effect.

Change yourself and you’ll change the world around you.

Some people say that we literally cannot change the world any other way than by changing ourselves first. 

This is radical activism - or what I call Inside-Out Activism. 

We get clear on what’s important to us by looking at what we wish to change in others or in the world.

We get clear on what’s not integrated within us by looking at what we judge.

We get clear on what we want to contribute to the world by following our inner nudges.

Often we think that what we do personally, our healing work, how we raise our kids and how we “be” in the world is not enough. Inside-Out Activists know that this work is, quite possibly, the most impactful work we can do.

Inside-Out Activists also may be doing outside activism, building businesses and contributing in many other ways, but they're aware that these other “inside-out” ways make them more effective in everything they do.

Using the smallest microcosm of the Universe – YOU – the one thing you have control over – to heal the planet, bring unity consciousness, repair relationships and suffer less. Each one of us can heal and be the change we wish to see. We're free thinkers – curious, seeking truth, busting fear-based belief systems, and trailblazing together – finding a new way forward.

And when we do this work, we come into deeper acceptance of ourselves, others and life itself. When we're in flow with life, aligned with our true nature and showing up as our true selves, we live into what life wants for us – to be us.

So how do we do this?

FIRST, WE NEED TO WAKE UP

…and see ourselves as the captain of our ship, the one in charge of our lives and the impact we have in the world. This requires us to shift from the belief that life is happening TO me to life happening FOR me. The world needs us to heal our traumas, regulate our nervous systems and become whole again.

SECOND, WE NEED TO SHIFT

…away from the idea that someone is going to save us (like a president, partner or parent) to becoming our own savior. We need to see how powerful we are and stop complaining that anything outside of us is the problem. We need to see that any judgment we have that something is wrong out “there’ is really just for us to explore internally.

THIRD, WE NEED TO TURN

…our inner work into outer expression. We need to alchemize all of our healing work into the power to show up in the world as our most authentic selves. The world is waiting for the exact unique YOU to show up. How do we want the world to improve? Find the tiniest ways that you can be that in the world, how can you be the change?

FOURTH, WE ARE ALL

…in this together. We can help one another see what we are not able to see within us. Also, we support one another. What we all need most is to have psychological safety so we can feel safe enough to explore our inner terrain. When we have done our healing work, we can provide that for others. That’s where the biggest ripple effect comes into play.

Are you ready to take responsibility for your projections, judgments and triggers and use them as the breadcrumbs to heal your own childhood wounding? 

Do you agree that the outside world is a projection of our (collective) inside worlds therefore you're ready to do your own shadow work and accept all of yourself in order to clean up the collective shadow? 

Are you with me that when we keep our “dark parts” in the dark, they erupt in the world stage as they are now?

And if we keep playing out those shadows through moves and countermoves, us vs. them mentality, we'll stay in a drama cycle?

Are you ready to take responsibility for your own shadows, trauma and projections so you can clean up your part which has a ripple effect in the world?

Comment below about what you're doing to be the change you wish to see in the world!

I spent a lot of my life with the persona of being “nice” and “a good listener” and “adaptable” and “tolerant” and “flexible”. With women in my life, I was a people pleaser, the helper, the hero. Underneath that, at times, I was angry, judgmental, resentful and lacking the connection I craved. But this persona kept me feeling safe.

Fortunately it was also exhausting, kept me separate and required me to abandon myself.

Why fortunately?

Because the pain of inauthenticity grew to be so uncomfortable, that I had to find the most real and true me.

Speaking from experience, it requires so much courage to be our most true selves, to risk not belonging to any group, to bravely step forward without the (false) protection of our masks and personas. And yet, it’s the most enlivening thing we can do.

It’s still a practice, I can still feel the allure of popping on a mask so I can fit in. I can still feel the fear that arises when I stand in the nakedness of the most real me in public ways. And yet, I can’t go back.

The groups and tribes and labels and boxes are all too confining and layer too many assumptions upon me that no longer fit.

We’re all verbs. We’re not nouns. We need the space to evolve, to grow and to keep becoming more and more of who we came here to be.

When the caterpillar becomes a butterfly, she must go through a painful transition in the chrysalis and struggle to get out. And when a baby is birthed, he must go through the dark and tight birth canal before being brought into the light.

Birthing the most true Self that we are is not without discomfort. But we can do hard stuff. And it’s worth it!

​To all of you on this path…I salute you! How’s it been for you? Please share in the comments below!

You are enough just as you are.

But you probably don’t think so. Or perhaps you think you are too much. But in some way, you probably are hiding some parts of yourself – the parts you fear are not lovable.

Over the years, you've been subjected to conditioning and comparisons. And you learned at a very young age to do whatever it takes to be loved and accepted…even if it meant being someone other than your true self. You may have learned that it was best to hide what you think and feel and who you are because it was safer that way. It was a brilliant strategy as a kid! But most of us kept on doing that well into adulthood and eventually we realize that we don’t even recognize ourselves anymore. It’s like the real you doesn’t exist in your life. Or maybe you don’t even know who the real you is.

For me, it was so painful when I realized that I was no longer sure who I was – I wanted to be accepted, loved, and validated so badly that I became someone else along the way. Deep down I knew something I was not right.

THE REAL YOU HAS ALWAYS BEEN IN THERE – IT’S JUST HIDDEN

Underneath those layers of conditioning, false (aka other people’s) beliefs, judgments, and criticisms lies the real you. We live in a society that rewards and encourages conformity. Being yourself requires courage. It might seem safer to hide that true self, but life is a million times better when you show up and shine your own light, so to speak. It’s so worth the risk!

"When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness—that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging—lives inside of our story." ~ Brene Brown

IT WAS RISKY WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, BUT YOU'RE SAFE NOW

Are you willing to take the risk to bring more of YOU into your life? To reveal more of yourself to your friends and family?

Your young self, the one who had to do whatever it took to be accepted is telling you not to do it – it’s WAY. TOO. RISKY. It’s the part of you that says that you must hide those “bad” things about you – the things that mommy and daddy told you to stop being or doing. It’s the part of you who believes that you won’t be loved if other people know those things about you.

You don’t want this to be true.

You know that you love other people, shortcomings and all. You know that you even find your loved one’s quirks and flaws endearing. You wonder…perhaps others could feel that way about you too?

Can you find that part of yourself that believes it’s possible that you can be yourself and still be loved? That you don’t have to constantly perform, perfect, please, and prove? That you can settle into who you really are and people will still love you?

IT’S THE HIDING THAT’S EXHAUSTING

It’s so much easier to be who you really are rather than exerting all that energy to be someone you think you SHOULD be or hiding so you can experience the illusion of safety. Believe me, as you begin to remove those masks you're hiding beneath you will feel the weight lifted off your shoulders – you'll have more energy and you will feel less burdened. It’s the trying so hard that takes all of your energy. It’s like trying to hold 5 beach balls underwater all by yourself. It’s a constant effort.

Each time you reveal more of who you really are and see that you're still accepted and you “survive,” your young self will begin to believe that it really IS safe to be yourself and live a life that is true to what you really want and believe. You'll begin to see that being yourself is much easier than trying to conform and be someone you believe others will accept and love.

You'll find that it’s easier for people to love and connect to you when you are not hiding or playing small.

THIS IS ABOUT SELF-ACCEPTANCE NOT “ACCEPT ME OR ELSE”

This slightly different than turning 50 and saying “Screw you, take me as I am because I don’t care.” I'm talking about true self-acceptance and self-love. It’s more of a surrender to the truth of who we are on a soul level and comes from the place of love. The “screw you, accept me for who I am” is more about telling the world to accept you and it usually comes from the place of fear and separation. What I'm talking about is when you learn to fully accept yourself so that the world feels that and, in turn, fully accepts you.

Self-knowledge, self-forgiveness, self-kindness, self-acceptance, and ultimately self-love have the potential to bring your life to a whole new level. It’s the true secret to having the connection and love you have always wanted in your life.

IT STARTS WITH YOU. YOU CAN ONLY BE LOVED AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.

One of the biggest regrets people express on their deathbed is that they didn’t live a life that was true to themselves – that they hid, played small, and didn’t really fully live because they were afraid to. It’s true, it requires courage! And you have to be willing to swim upstream because most people are still hiding, performing, and conforming. But the rewards are beyond measure.

The world wants more of YOU!

​Please post below if you can relate to this. Do you want to bring more of yourself to your life? Or have you already done this and want to share how you did it or what life is like for you now? Please share!

We know that worrying doesn't help, but that never seems to stop us. 

You know how it goes: something happens (your kids are on their iPhones too much) and you tell yourself a story (this is going to be a problem) and then you feel afraid for the future. You go into fear. You play out the possibilities and by the time you are done you have become the creator of an elaborate story about how their lives are going to be ruined because of the iPhone. We get sucked into the story that our imagination has created and we believe it to be true rather than what it is…just a story based on a single thought that might not even be true (this is going to be a problem).

“Worry is a misuse of the imagination.” ~ Dan Zadra

Worry is an adaptive survival mechanism that's based on keeping us and our loved ones alive. Our imaginations project into the future and anticipate all of the possible dangers and then our brain does what it can to avoid or remove those possibilities. It serves us well if we are in a dangerous situation. And worry can be a catalyst to solve problems for sure! But it can go awry and we can form the habit of worrying and even become addicted to worrying.

Perhaps that we worry isn’t the problem, it’s how we worry.

I think we are “incomplete worriers.” Most of us stop worrying too early and sort of get stuck. We never bring the situation into our full consciousness so we're run by unconscious and irrational fears.

We worry effectively when we allow ourselves to worry long enough to go through the fear and through the worry and into confidence. Yes, you read that right, I said we need to worry longer.

We need to let our worry to play out fully.

Let’s take an example for a parent of a boy who is entering high school this year. Mom is afraid he will be exposed to drugs and give into the peer pressure, do drugs, get addicted and become a pot-head and never leave her basement.

Most likely she'll stop there and keep playing that worry tape – forming a groove in her brain by going over the same thoughts repeatedly – and this is what forms a worry habit.

She's uncomfortable sitting in this fear so she begins to think about how she can control her outside circumstances to solve this problem. She considers that if her son has more activities after school he will have less time to party. She contemplates what rules need to be in place to prevent him from being out partying too late. She lectures him about the risks of drug use. She tries to establish family traditions and family meals because studies show kids with strong family ties, regular meals, and traditions are less likely to do drugs.

Great ideas! And this shows that worrying can be useful for problem-solving. But nothing guarantees that her son won’t do drugs. If he wants to, he will. Period. And she's still stuck in fear.

Mom's just putting a bandaid on the boo-boo in her heart. She is masking (and avoiding) the uncomfortable and painful feelings around the uncertainty of her son's future. Trying to manage her fear of her son getting involved in drugs by trying to fix and control – but it’s really just an illusion of control. Since her son is now in control of his own life, there is very little she can do to control his behaviors.

HERE ARE THE 3 STEPS TO “WORRY BETTER” SO WE CAN GO BEYOND FEAR AND INTO CONFIDENCE:

1. We calm ourselves. Realize that your limbic brain is worried you'll be abandoned, rejected, or die. Or that your child will be, which is like death for you. It’s time to soothe and be tender with ourselves. We lean into the fear instead of resisting it. It’s a good time to say to ourselves, perhaps with a hand to our heart, that it’s going to be okay. I often remind myself “I am not going to die and it’s going to be okay, we can handle anything.”
2. Next, we play out the scary story by asking a repetitive question like “and then what happens?” While we do this, we poke holes in the story we are creating – we ask:
   “What is the likelihood of things turning out that way?”
   “What other creative solutions could I find if I were really in this situation?”
   “What good is happening in this moment of the story?”
   “So, what if that happened? What would we do?”
   “Who could help us?”
   “How would we handle that situation…could we make it through it? Would we be okay?”
   “What would a friend say about this situation?”
   “What would we do if the tables were turned?”
3. Lastly, we create a positive story about this – the most likely and best-case scenario based on what we know about life. I always say that if you are going to use your imagination to make up a story, it might as well be a lovely one!

Allow me to digress from our 9th-grade kid example with a simple example to illustrate this process: 

Situation: you walk by a friend who completely ignored you when you said hello. You're worried she is mad at you - did you do something wrong? Why would she do that?

• Even if she's mad at you, start by reminding yourself that you'll be okay. Most likely she won’t abandon you, it’s going to be alright. You are safe. 
• Turn things around and get curious – what might I have done for her to be mad at me? Nothing I can think of, I haven’t even seen her in weeks. If she is mad at me, maybe we could talk about it and work it out. But maybe she isn’t even mad at me. And I am sure I’ve dissed others in the past and probably don’t even know I did it!
• The "lovely story" is that she was distracted and didn’t even hear you or see you. That might even cause you to have some compassion for her and wonder if she is okay. Maybe you would even call her to check on her.

Doesn’t that feel better than staying stuck in a story that she ignored you because you did something wrong? Even if she IS upset with you, what value is there in you worrying about it? 

NOW LET’S USE THESE STEPS AND THE EXAMPLE OF THE 9TH GRADER AND DRUGS:

First, allow yourself to fully feel the fear.
Accept that you truly are afraid that your child will get hurt or even die if he chooses a path of drugs. Honor how scary that feels and your deep desire to protect him. Tell yourself that you are okay and that he's okay in this moment. Put your hand on your heart and take a breath. Remember that this is not real, it’s just a worry, just your imagination.

By doing this, you will open up space to consider the possibility that you and your family can survive and even thrive in the face of any crisis your imagination will create and worry about. And that it’s HIGHLY unlikely that most things we worry about will come to reality (research shows that 85% of what we worry about never happens).

Next, it’s time to play out the story and poke holes in it.
We’ll play this out with the intention of seeing that you can survive even the worst thing your imagination can create in this situation – that he DOES get addicted to drugs.

First, you come together as a family and talk it out – you realize that it’s nice to talk it over with him openly and you appreciate that he is talking openly to you. In fact, you feel connected to him and haven’t felt that way in a while.

You're worried and he's worried – you notice that he has grown up a lot and really is a sweet and loving kid. You can tell that he feels relieved to be talking to you and not facing this all alone. He even hugs you and thanks you.

You consider your options together – you notice that you're actually doing okay, you are surviving this “crisis” and somehow you are coming together as a family. You notice that he hasn’t been partying with his friends and instead is hanging around the house and in a much better mood.

You start to get creative as a family and consider options like taking a family sabbatical to Costa Rica for a year or maybe a rehab facility that feels really right for him and has great outcomes – you decide to go to Costa Rica and can’t believe that you will be spending a year there. You are excited and feel curious how something so bad might be turning out to be so amazing for your family!

You work with a counselor while there and your son is doing great – in fact, better than ever. You discuss how to transition back home and you realize you have come along way – you survived!

This may seem unlikely – that it’s pretty fantastical to imagine it going this well. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter. There is an 85% chance that what you are worried about will never become reality anyway. It’s just a made-up story either way.

Finally, we create a lovely story to focus on.
Maybe it goes something like this:

“My son goes to high school and experiments a little with drugs, drinks a little more than he should, parties more than I prefer, graduates and gets into a great college, parties some more, begins to grow into the man I always hoped and knew he would be, gets a great job, and is living a pretty normal life.”

Not totally out of the question, right?

Can you see how this process brings clarity and resolution? We first honor the fear you're feeling and second, walk through a scenario that is scary but focuses on how you would handle it and that you CAN handle it. It helps us to feel our feelings and then get confident that perhaps we can allow life to happen and face circumstances as they come up rather than trying to change things to fit how we want the world to be. This is the basic premise behind mindfulness.

Trust yourself. You can handle anything. It sets us up to treat life is an adventure rather than something to be afraid of.

And then, with the lovely story, if you focus on what you want to happen instead of what you don’t want to happen, you will more likely have a positive outcome. The truth is, what we resist persists. If nothing else, you will feel better and you can still feel like you are focusing on the thing you are worried about, but perhaps with an intention for a better outcome 

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~Benjamin Franklin

If you're going to worry anyway, why not learn to worry better?

​Are you a worrier? Do you have tips for how you have learned to manage your worry? Please comment below!

This is Part 3 of a 3 Part Series. Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

I spent more than 40 years mostly in my head. I am a “head type” on the Enneagram and being my head’s a very comfortable place for me to be.

But I’ve learned that my best inspirations, ideas, clarity, answers, and solutions come from getting out of my head and into my body, into my heart and into THIS present moment. For some of you, this will not make a lot of sense…so you’ll need to try it to believe it.

For you, I ask you to trust me and give this a try.

And, yeah, some of us can talk ourselves out of our worry thoughts – reminding ourselves that these are just thoughts – that we don’t have to believe our thoughts – that they are just possibilities and that we are the thinker NOT the thoughts. But that takes a great deal of awareness and mental strength. Sometimes it’s just better to do something else!

10 QUICK WAYS TO GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD

1. Decide to stop the worry/ruminating/self-criticism, pick something to do to get your mind off it. And do it.
2. Snuggle/connect with your partner or your kids. Your body will release the hug or love hormone, oxytocin. This will automatically settle your nervous system and bring you back to this moment. If your kids are older and might resist a snuggle, just try to get as close to them as you can. BE WITH THEM. Get curious and try to connect with them about their lives and their world. It’s hard to think of our “stuff” when we are genuinely interested in someone else.
3. Breathe. Focus on an elongated out-breath which will calm your nervous system. Breath connects your mind to your heart.
4. Pull out a coloring book. Coloring is relaxing as an alternative to meditation. 
5. Get out into nature. Even if it's just in your back yard for 2 minutes. 
6. Get up and stretch, exercise, or DANCE! Move your body in whatever way your body is asking you to move it! Get your blood flowing. Have fun!
7. Do an orienting exercise. Look around the room/environment and notice something around the room you have not noticed before – like a light, a tree, a picture, or a piece of lint on the couch, etc – just focus on that and really notice it. Notice your breathing, but no need to change it. Slowly move your attention to something else in the room and focus on that.
8. Bring attention to your body. Stomp your feet. Hit your chest. Tap your skin. Rub your hands together. Wiggle. Jump up and down. Do something that actually brings you into your body.
9. Try out the power pose. Watch this video about how the way body language may affect how we feel about ourselves. Standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident — can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain.
10. Become aware of your body in the environment: Notice your butt on the chair and/or feet on the floor. If you’re in a chair, feel the contact you are making with the back of the seat. If your feet are on the ground, pay attention to each foot on the floor. Notice your breath. No need to change anything – just notice it. Do a quick body scan. Notice your head, temples, jaw, neck, heart, belly, hips, pelvic floor, legs, feet. Just bring attention from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet

BONUS: If you find yourself awake at night worrying or in a place where you can’t do something from the list above, use these to CHANGE your thinking:

• Say gratitudes. Recite as many things as you can that you are grateful for.
• Pray, if that feels right for you.
• Practice self-compassion. Say kind things to yourself as if you are talking your child or a close friend when he/she is worried or feeling bad – things such as “You are okay, things are okay, I’m with you, we’re going to get through this, this too shall pass, when we wake up in the morning it won’t feel so bad, it’s going to work out, etc.”
• Repeat a mantra or affirmation. For example, I am enough, I am love, I am okay, I am capable.

Do you have anything to add to this list? Put it into the comments below!

Part 2 of 3. Read Part 1 here and Part 3 here.

This blog post is summarized from Wayne Dyer’s amazing very first book called Your Erroneous Zones.

Okay, let’s get real here…I’m not suggesting that we’re never going to worry again…we’re adults living in a complex world with problems and children and jobs! So we’ve got a lot to worry about.

Full disclosure: I was just up last night at 2:42 worrying. And the truth is that a little bit of worry sometimes PUTS me INTO action.

But what I don’t want for any of us is that we look back at our lives with regret that we spent most of our precious present moments beating ourselves up about the past or worrying about the future. Here's the thing - if it was useful, I'd be encouraging it. But guilt and worry are rarely useful habits. 

So, let’s explore what we can do to manage these 2 habits:

GUILT

• Remind yourself that feeling guilty will never make you a better person or change the past. It’s over.
• Do not confuse the behavior with who you are. When you conflate the two, you get shame (“I am bad” vs. “my behavior was bad”). Shame keeps us stuck. *Super important point for how we discuss our kids’ behavior, too.
• Ask yourself what you’re avoiding in the present moment. What do you need to be doing but you’re focusing on your guilt instead?
• Is this even something that you actually feel guilt about? Is this something that YOU approve of but you either believe or know that others don’t? If left unexamined, we can spend our entire lives feeling guilty about something that comes from someone else’s value system, not ours! Take a close look at your value system and make sure your behaviors are in alignment with YOUR values, not someone else’s (including your family of origin). 
• What behavior/habit/pattern do you want to change because YOU want to change it? What can you do today to take action towards that change?
• Notice where other people try to manipulate you with guilt. A very hard thing to do is allow other people to be disappointed in you. But when you notice what’s happening and you gently show them that you can handle their disappointment, they will realize that their guilt-tactics no longer work on you.
• Do your best to learn from your past rather than beat yourself up about the past. This allows you to more consciously take action to repair trust, fix your mistakes, change your behavior, and make better choices in the future.

Note: How much you worry does not equal how much you love. 

WORRY

• Don’t confuse worry with planning for the future.
• Worry doesn’t have anything to do with love or caring. It's time to ditch any “guilt” that if you don’t worry, you don’t care or love enough. It's NOT true.
• Most everything you are worrying about, you have no control over.
• Notice what you’re avoiding DOING in your life by worrying. Worry keeps us from fully living our lives.
• Simply decide to stop the habit – when you notice yourself worrying, try to remind yourself to come back to this present moment. Ask yourself what you're avoiding by using this present moment for worry. Sometimes we break a habit by replacing it with something else - so you can replace worry with reciting what you're grateful for.
• DO something – play a game, clean a room, sing a song, talk to a friend (about something other than your worry), help someone…anything to stop the worrying!
• Set a worry timer – allow yourself to worry for 10 minutes and then stop worrying and go do something else!
• Never worry alone – call a friend and ask them to help you to stop worrying.

Check out the final blog post in this series for a list of quick and effective ways to break the worry/guilt habit by getting out of your head and into the present moment!

What one thing are you going to try to do THIS week from these lists? Pick the one thing that you are most likely to do…put it into the comments below!

This is part 1 of a 3 part blog post. Read Part 2 here.

Are you a worrier? Am I alone when I say that sometimes the worrying and thinking gets a bit out of control? My head can be a crazy place sometimes!

One of the things that I worry most about is that my kids are on electronics too much. And then sometimes I realize I'm distracted and not really present with my kids and then allowing them to spend too much time on electronics so I can have “time” to worry and think about “important things”.

It started to get more clear that being stuck in my head was the source of some of my guilt. Being stuck in my head keeps me from doing what it would take to be present with my kids, to connect with my husband, to take care of myself. 

And then I feel guilty and shift into beating myself up about being distracted and not fully present with my husband or my kids. 

Can you say V I C I O U S   C Y C L E  ?

When our minds are F U L L, we're anything but present. Well, we may be present to our thoughts, but most likely, we're not present to everything that's happening all around us. 

A little guilt (learning from the past can help us make better decisions in the future) and a little worry (can help us prepare for the future and prevent a gut sense of something being wrong from getting out of control) is to be expected and would be considered normal. Right?

BUT YOU AND I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT…

The over-thinking that makes us not hear our kids when they keep repeating “mom” over and over.

The guilt that turns into beating ourselves up and leaving us feeling bad about ourselves.

The way we repetitively choose to do "one more thing" and neglect self-care, play and rest and then feel burnt out, impatient and reactive.

The panicky worry that has us awake at o-dark-thirty.

“If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will ever change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.” - Wayne Dyer

Here’s the thing. Besides stealing our precious present moments, these 2 habits - indulging in worry and guilt - are often ways to avoid taking real action in your life NOW.

WHICH IS ANOTHER REASON TO STOP DOING THEM!

This is how it goes…

We feel guilty, then we beat ourselves up which makes us feel crappy about ourselves. This leads to feeling shame and that spirals us into inadequacy – which tells us we have no ability to do any better or to deal with the situation. So we don’t take action around the thing that we originally felt guilty about. This becomes a vicious cycle and we get stuck in inaction. Frustrating right?

And that worry that keeps us up at night? We’re fearful for the future (especially for our kids). We’re hanging onto the hope that we'll somehow improve the future outcome by worrying. But most of the time, it’s completely out of our control. Often, worrying will cause so much emotional distress that we end up feeling immobilized so we avoid taking action we know could be beneficial for the future.

WHEN OUR MINDS ARE FULL, IRONICALLY, WE LOSE THE ABILITY TO TAKE THE ACTION THAT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

What can you do?

1. Become aware of how much you worry and beat yourself up. Awareness is always the first step to making any changes in our life.
2. Don’t beat yourself up for worrying. Don't get consumed with guilt. Be gentle. Just notice it and acknowledge it – name what you notice — call it worry or guilt or self-criticism. Notice it and don’t try to change it (yet).
3. Check in with yourself - how do you feel? Where do you feel tension in your body?
4. Take a breath and check out part 2 where we learn clear ways to break your worry & guilt habit.

Did you have any a-ha's from this? Share below!