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From Deb's Journal

The Void Left When My Son Went To College

2021 Blogs - FB Format (17)

The house feels different, dinners feel different. It’s not exactly a “missing him” feeling. It’s more like something feels off. 

It feels right in many ways. The 18 years of nurturing and preparing, his launch into the world is predictable, bittersweet. It’s developmentally spot on. It’s that time. It’s a pretty “normal thing to do.”

That he’s happy and adjusting well makes it easier, but the absence is ever present. It’s palpable. The way that his absence has left a void, an emptiness. Not…

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Rage, Who Are You?

2021 Blogs - FB Format (11)

A poem from my journal on June 14, 2018

I am the voice that screams from within

Aching to be heard, not to be dimmed


I see the pain that was told to hide

Longing for a voice, rumbling inside


I tried to stop him from hurting you

But fear wouldn't allow me to


I'm the tiger that roars a ferocious "no"

Clawing and growling, stop, please go!


I'm the mama bear who protects her young

Staying close and alert, so no harm can be done


In the face of violation, I was born

But I was n…

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Happy Mother's Day to My Mom

2021 Blogs - FB Format

In memory of my mom who died on May 2, 2021.

At the very end of my mom's life, my dad and I slept in her room with her. One night I slept at the top of her bed so I could hold her hand and be close to her. The night before that, I sat up watching her and wrote this. 

My Mom

My biggest cheerleader

Always supporting me

Loving me

"You can do anything," you said


Never doubting anything I wanted to do

Believing in me more than I did myself

You listened and supported

Guided and sacrifice…

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When Mindfulness Feels Too Hard

When Mindfulness Feels Too Hard

:: Context - I broke my Greater Trochanter / Upper Femur in a skiing accident 12 days before I wrote this :: 

​Lying in bed last night I got caught in the swirl of thought and fear: I can't handle it anymore. How can I do this for months? Will I ever fully recover? Can I handle the rehab? How much longer do I have to sleep in this position? Will I ever get a good nights' sleep again? I felt trapped and hopeless.

Somehow, even while lying mostly still, I found myself writhing.

In the dark of the nig…

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