The Void Left When My Kid Went To College

The house feels different, it’s not exactly a “missing him” feeling. It’s more like something feels off. It’s right in many ways. The 18 years of nurturing and preparing, the launch into the world is predictable, bittersweet. It’s developmentally spot on. It’s that time.

What it Takes to Go From Exhausted to Enlivened

Keeping up a personal is exhausting…being the real you is enlivening!

What Does Spirituality Mean to You?

When I have a chance to actually discuss the topic with clients, it is very simple to explain my view of spirituality, understand my clients’ perspective, and come to a common ground semantically (and often philosophically). I notice I regularly attract people who...

Smoothie Recipes

“Introduction to Green Smoothies” Smoothies ~ Perfect for Kids, Created by my Kids! The Bodie-O Berry Mix Yields: 18-20 oz. 1 Banana 1.5 cups of Mixed Frozen Berries (Raspberries, Blueberries, Blackberries, and Strawberries) 1 cup of Orange or Tangerine Juice 3/4 Cup...

You Are Always In Choice ~ The Power of Paradox

We are inundated with choices. We worry that people will judge us for our choices. We fear that we will make the wrong choice and be disappointed. When we make a choice, we experience loss – loss of that which we did not choose. Every day, we have to choose which...

Time, The Great Equalizer

I suspect that almost everyone feels that there is just not enough time in the day. So much to do, so little time. We are chronically feeling pulled in too many directions and feeling that it is impossible to live in this very moment, when this moment is really all we...

Meditation…are you curious?

Meditation has been repeatedly proven to reduce stress levels, reduce blood pressure, increase circulation, strengthen your immune system, relieve chronic pain, improve sleep, reduce anxiety, improve memory and decision making, and maybe even slow aging! And there is...

Breathing Exercise

Inspiration in Action by Deb Blum Inspiration: Your breathing is your greatest friend. Return to it in all your troubles and you will find comfort and guidance. ~The Teaching of Buddhist Master Action: Breathing exercises can reduce stress, increase energy, and...

Happiness is an Inside Job

Inspiration in Action by Deb Blum Inspiration: Instead of seeking outside of ourselves, we need to go to the source and realize who we really are. ~Deepak Chopra’s 8-Week Happiness Series (Week 3, Authentic Self-Esteem) Action: Ask yourself: “What void is so big in my...

One Way to Make the World a Better Place

Got problems? The world certainly seems to have lots of problems. It seems overwhelming – how can we get ourselves out of the mess we are in? So much fear, war, anger, hate, deceit, self-serving behaviors and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The solutions to these...

You are humanity's greatest hope.

Get Your "Be More You" Guide Here

You’ve probably heard people say “you can only love others as much as you love yourself.”

Myth or reality?

I think it’s a myth.

I mean, you love your kids like crazy, right? And most people have been in loving romantic relationships and have loving, compassionate friendships.

So, nah, I don’t buy it…I think we can love others even when we don’t love ourselves.
But I also think it’s pretty unlikely you’ll be truly happy if you don’t love yourself.

“To me, it’s extremely unlikely that without the ability to love oneself a person can ever be happy. That is, what’s necessary and sufficient—not for loving another but for a state of inner contentment and well-being—is healthy self-love and acceptance.” ~ Leon F Seltzer Ph.D., Evolution of the Self

So, you love others – your kids, your partner, your family, and friends. But you still might feel like something is missing.

You’ll look like you have it all, but you might feel empty, or like a fraud, or somehow never enough – so you can’t internalize all of the goodness in your life.

Learning to unconditionally accept yourself is the key. If you were emotionally neglected as a child, or never accepted as you were – always expected to be better, smarter, quieter, more polite, calmer, happier, etc. – you weren’t unconditionally accepted.

It’s tough to make it through childhood and adolescence feeling fully accepted – I haven’t met anyone yet who feels they were unconditionally accepted by their parents, siblings, peers, teachers, and others. Intentional or not, as we grow up, we become conditioned – and this conditioning layers upon us (false) beliefs about who we “should” be in order to be acceptable and lovable.

But there’s hope – you can totally give this to yourself. We can undo what’s been done to us.

As you become more aware of the real you – the full you, you’re loving yourself. Because we all want to feel seen.

As you seek to understand why you do what you do and forgive yourself, you’re loving yourself. Because we all want to feel understood.

As you feel more compassion towards yourself instead of beating yourself up, you’re loving yourself. Because we all want to feel good enough.

As you accept yourself – imperfections and all – you’re loving yourself. Because we all want to feel acceptable and lovable.

As you embrace all of yourself, you’ll find yourself not hiding parts of you that you think are “unacceptable.” The more you reveal who you are – show up more fully – your relationships will feel more intimate and close.

So, if you’re willing to do the work to fully accept and love yourself, there are other great rewards beyond being able to love others…

  • You’ll find the happiness you seek
  • You’ll feel more present and less distracted
  • You’ll feel closer and more authentically (and consistently) connected to your loved ones
  • You’ll have an increased capacity to receive love
  • As you are more compassionate towards yourself, you’ll be less triggered, less reactive, and more patient.


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