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What Does Spirituality Mean to You?

When I have a chance to actually discuss the topic with clients, it is very simple to explain my view of spirituality, understand my clients’ perspective, and come to a common ground semantically (and often philosophically). I notice I regularly attract people who...

Smoothie Recipes

“Introduction to Green Smoothies” Smoothies ~ Perfect for Kids, Created by my Kids! The Bodie-O Berry Mix Yields: 18-20 oz. 1 Banana 1.5 cups of Mixed Frozen Berries (Raspberries, Blueberries, Blackberries, and Strawberries) 1 cup of Orange or Tangerine Juice 3/4 Cup...

You Are Always In Choice ~ The Power of Paradox

We are inundated with choices. We worry that people will judge us for our choices. We fear that we will make the wrong choice and be disappointed. When we make a choice, we experience loss – loss of that which we did not choose. Every day, we have to choose which...

Time, The Great Equalizer

I suspect that almost everyone feels that there is just not enough time in the day. So much to do, so little time. We are chronically feeling pulled in too many directions and feeling that it is impossible to live in this very moment, when this moment is really all we...

Meditation…are you curious?

Meditation has been repeatedly proven to reduce stress levels, reduce blood pressure, increase circulation, strengthen your immune system, relieve chronic pain, improve sleep, reduce anxiety, improve memory and decision making, and maybe even slow aging! And there is...

Breathing Exercise

Inspiration in Action by Deb Blum Inspiration: Your breathing is your greatest friend. Return to it in all your troubles and you will find comfort and guidance. ~The Teaching of Buddhist Master Action: Breathing exercises can reduce stress, increase energy, and...

Happiness is an Inside Job

Inspiration in Action by Deb Blum Inspiration: Instead of seeking outside of ourselves, we need to go to the source and realize who we really are. ~Deepak Chopra’s 8-Week Happiness Series (Week 3, Authentic Self-Esteem) Action: Ask yourself: “What void is so big in my...

One Way to Make the World a Better Place

Got problems? The world certainly seems to have lots of problems. It seems overwhelming – how can we get ourselves out of the mess we are in? So much fear, war, anger, hate, deceit, self-serving behaviors and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The solutions to these...

Fear of Criticism’s Impact on Being Yourself

How do you feel about criticism? Do you do everything you can do avoid it? Does your fear of criticism hold you back from being your true self? "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." ~Dr. Seuss For...

Live In The Present

Inspiration in Action by Deb Blum Inspiration: “The big horrible thing isn’t the plane crash or the earthquake or the diagnosis. When those things occur, we act, we know what to do. We live or we die. Hell is what we do in the meantime. It is the way we starve our...

You are humanity's greatest hope.

Get Your "Be More You" Guide Here

Ten years ago, I was deeply entrenched in the belief that if my husband would be more romantic, affectionate, connected, attentive, helpful, fill in the blank, I would be happier. I would feel more loved.

Maybe you can relate on some level?

I believed that my husband caused most of my problems. Truthfully, I was about ready to leave my marriage.

“In life, you can blame a lot of people and you can wallow in self-pity, or you can pick yourself up and say, ‘Listen, I have to be responsible for myself.”’ ~Howard Schultz

But now I know something that I want to make sure you know. I sure wish I had known this much earlier in my marriage. If I was able to take it in, I think it would have saved a lot of hurt feelings and pain.

Somewhere in NY

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

I hate to be the bearer of (what seems like) bad news but the problem is NOT with him, nor anyone else for that matter.

If he were to fix everything you could ever imagine you would want him to fix, you would still feel the same as you do now.

Why?

Because the problem is not external, it’s not someone else causing you pain.

It’s you causing yourself this pain and disconnection.

Over the years you have internalized all sorts of negative thought patterns, false beliefs, and fears that are running your life. Your mind makes up stories about situations based on your false beliefs and fears. Your mind is clever and tricks you into believing these lies and you follow that trail to suffering, pain, and unhappiness.

One of the biggest lies our mind tells us is that other people are responsible for making us unhappy or should be responsible for making us happy.

When we point the finger towards others – when we blame others for our unhappiness – we disempower ourselves, we burden them, and we never get what we really want.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Jung

The super awesome news is that if we are the cause of our problems, then we are also the solution.

It’s a total waste of time to wait for other people to change in order to make you happy. It’s not gonna happen. I assure you.

Believe me, I know that the “other person” might be doing things that “everyone would agree” are jerky, douchey things. I don’t deny that for one second.

At some point, if we want to be happy, we need to choose connection/happiness/love over being right. Which means that we have to take who is right or wrong out of the equation.

I’m not saying we don’t ask for what we want and that there aren’t times when the other person can benefit from changing their behavior. But when we get stuck in unhappy situations and we are looking for the other person to change so we can be happy, we are giving away all of our personal power and becoming a victim. And, ultimately, it won’t get us what we want and we stay stuck.

Until you own this truth, stop believing the stories, and heal/release the fears and negative beliefs, the outside world will continue to reflect for you what you are experiencing in your inner world.

Your husband, kids, family, friends and even strangers act as mirrors for you to see what is calling out to be seen and healed within yourself.

“There’s only person in the world you can’t see – yourself. But, God created – or whoever created us, we don’t even have to argue that point – created us so perfect because we can actually see ourselves in other people.” ~Debbie Ford

If you are self-critical and judgmental, perhaps you will experience people being critical of you. If you are depressed and anxious, you will see a world that is scary and not worth experiencing.

On the other hand, if you are filled with self-love, you will see love in the world. If you are filled with joy and inner peace, your outer world will feel harmonious and joyful. If you feel connected to yourself, you will feel connected to others.

Chill with me

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

It’s up to you. Stay stuck in the blame game and waiting for others to change so you can be more happy and comfortable. Then wake up one day and realize that it’s too late – you never took charge of your happiness and created your own awesome life.

Or, today, make a commitment to own your happiness, to do the inner work to have everything you have ever wanted.

The only path “there” is an inward journey. So when you are ready, mentally turn around and find your way back to your heart and your soul. It’s there that you will find peace, love and light. There, and only there.

Self-love is the beacon of hope and the path to the authentic love you are looking for.

Whatcha gonna do? Post in the comments!

PS. You might know this, but my question for you is are you LIVING it?

 

Click here to read more about Relating and Leadership.

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