This is part 1 of a 3 part blog post….
Are you a worrier? I try not to be – but we’re moms! There’s some part of me that worries that if I don’t worry, I must not care. LOL! I know it’s a silly thing to believe. But, we care and so sometimes we worry.
Am I alone when I say that sometimes the worrying and thinking gets a bit out of control? My head can be a crazy place sometimes!
And then sometimes I realize – DAMN – I’ve been doing EXACTLY what I’m most worried about – being distracted and not really present with my kids and then allowing them to spend too much time on electronics so I can have “time” to worry and think about “important things”.
It started to get more clear that being stuck in my head was the source of some of my guilt – for example, feeling disconnected from my husband and not being fully present with my kids.
I’d feel guilty and then I’d then shift into beating myself up about being distracted and not fully present with my husband or my kids.
Can you say VICIOUS. CYCLE. ?
When our minds are F U L L, we are anything but present. The concept of being mindful centers around being present for this exact moment, with the idea that there is nothing else – there’s no yesterday and there’s no tomorrow – just now.
Let’s try to stop wasting so many precious present moments, k?
A little guilt (learning from the past can help us make better decisions in the future) and a little worry (can help us prepare for the future and prevent a gut sense of something being wrong from getting out of control) is to be expected and would be considered normal. Right?
But you and I know what I’m talking about…
The over-thinking that makes us not hear our kids when they keep repeating “mom” over and over.
The guilt that turns into beating ourselves up and leaving us feeling shitty about ourselves.
The panicky worry that has us awake at o-dark-thirty (wanna play Candy Crush with me?)
As Wayne Dyer said:
“If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will ever change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.”
Ya gotta love that Wayne Dyer! xo + RIP
Here’s the thing. Besides stealing our precious present moments, these 2 habits are often ways to avoid taking real action in your life NOW.
Which is another reason to stop doing them!
This is how it goes…
We feel guilty then we beat ourselves up which makes us feel crappy about ourselves. This leads to feeling shame and that spirals us into inadequacy – which tells us we have no ability to do any better or to deal with the situation. So we don’t take action around the thing that we originally felt guilty about. Becomes a vicious cycle and we get stuck in inaction. Frustrating right?
And that worry that keeps us up at night? We’re fearful for the future (especially for our kids). We’re hanging onto the hope that we will somehow improve the future outcome by worrying. But most of the time, it’s completely out of our control. Often, worrying will cause so much emotional distress that we end up feeling immobilized so we avoid taking action we know could be beneficial for the future. Damn!
When our minds are FULL, we are anything but present.
Today, just notice how much you worry and beat yourself up. Awareness is always the first step to making any changes in our life. But make sure you don’t beat yourself up for worrying too much or beating yourself up too much. Just be gentle. Just notice it and acknowledge it – name what you notice — call it worry or guilt or self-criticism. Just notice it and don’t try to change it (yet).
Watch for next week’s blog post where we learn clear ways to break your worry & guilt habit.
What are your biggest worries? Share them below so you can let them go!