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Tips and Resources to Help Keep Your Nervous System Calm During the Coronavirus Shelter-in-Place Times

Even if you're a nervous system regulation ninja, times like this can get us dysregulated. And the health of our nervous system impacts our patience levels, our anxiety levels, our reactivity, our ability to stay present, our sleep, our productivity...and, because our...

Tips To Calm Your Nervous System “In The Moment”

Bring your attention to your physical sensations in your body Feel the chair under your butt, your feet on the ground. Notice your breath and what it does. Pay attention to sensations in your body - heat, coolness, tingling, tension. Put your attention there. Notice...

How to Make Sure Your Kids FEEL Unconditionally Loved

I know you love your kids. Unconditionally. The real question isn’t whether we love our kids, but rather – do they FEEL loved unconditionally. You may be thinking, “Of course they do!” But so often I find that we make love and acceptance conditional—without even...

15 Tips to Stay Connected to Your Tweens and Teens

The most common theme with my clients who have kids aged 8 and up is their concern that their relationship is changing and their fear that they’ll lose their close connected relationship with their kids as they get older. My experience and research tells me that we...

Why I Ignore My Kids

The other day my son came home from school and I ignored him. Or that’s what it might have looked like. But really, I was connecting on his terms. Read more Expanded Views on Parenting. It kills me a little bit. When my kids come home, I want to check in: “How was...

Who Am I to Tell You How to Parent?

Against my better judgment and intentions, I still jump in with solutions even when I know my kids should figure stuff out on their own. I still give too much advice. Just tonight at bedtime my son told me something and I didn’t handle it the way I wished I would...

How to Respond When Your Kids “Disrespect” You

Is it important to you that your kids have a voice? You know – that they question things, not just take things at face value, and feel like they can stand up for things they believe in? Read more Expanded Views on Parenting. Yea? Me too. It’s actually really important...

How To Raise Kids To Be Prepared For This Wild New World

If we want our kids to be successful, emotionally healthy, and happy in this wild, new world we live in, we need to shift the parenting paradigm. Read more Expanded Views on Parenting Whether you’re looking into the eyes of your new baby, bringing your child to...

How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding to Your Teen

Parents and kids have the ability to trigger each other as no one else can. Read more Expanded Views on Parenting. “You have no idea what a bad day I had…I have no patience for you right now…” “What were you thinking!?!?” “You need to learn a lesson about respect,...

I Screwed Up! Repairing Trust With Your Child

Recently I was triggered and totally reacted to my son in a way I wished I had not. In the midst of my temper tantrum, I noticed his expression and could see that he was really impacted, I could see the sadness in his eyes and the discomfort in his body language. Read...

You are humanity's greatest hope.

Discover Your Path Forward

Parenting

 

Work With Deb

Parenting 3.0 Podcast

Future of Humanity

Resources

New Perspectives on Parenting, Family, and Education

Today’s children create tomorrow’s innovator, leaders, employees, entrepreneurs, doctors, politicians and more. Raising kids with a secure attachment (which requires responsive parents who create the conditions for their children to bond) creates a better workforce, less mental illness, more creativity, and fewer sick days.

For moms who get it all done & want to raise thriving kids.

I love what you’re doing with your family. I see you striving for greatness, putting so much time and work into everything you do for them. Learning everything you can to raise your kids in a healthy way. But maybe you’re wondering, what’s next? Where do you go from here, to create a family life that fulfills you, brings you closer to your loved ones, and makes you feel fully alive? How can you get there from here? How can you raise your kids in an impactful way?

Watch Now

Parent in technicolor

Together with Jai Flicker, Deb Blum hosts The Parenting 3.0 Podcast.

Time for an upgrade?

Parenting 1.0

For most of human history, people have parented the way their parents and grandparents did, with culture providing the cues. We didn’t have to ask questions – we just learned from our elders and culture around us. Parents didn’t think about being “good” parents, they just parented based on tradition and instinct. The quality of our parenting was largely an accident of the family we grew up in and the culture we inherited. Often this followed a more dominant or authoritarian parenting style where the parent “knows best” and the kids followed the rule book.

Parenting 2.0

Along the way, for various cultural reasons, parents started turning to experts to learn to parent instead of following the lead of their parents and grandparents. This was the beginning of intentional parenting. In some cases this evolution allowed for real advances, but over time, an endless stream of conflicting advice has led to confusion as we’ve lost touch with our natural parenting instincts. Often this results in parents orienting around the child, wanting more connection with their kids, but feeling like there are no clear guidelines therefore parenting feels hard.

Parenting 3.0

All parents – and kids – want, and need, to feel close and connected. Securely attached kids are more likely to develop healthy self-esteem, show greater resilience and achieve greater emotional regulation. Parenting 3.0 is an integrated parenting framework designed to support parents to be the most competent, effective parent they can be by curating the best parenting wisdom and research. We offer a new parenting story that will awaken and empower our natural parenting instincts so we can confidently navigate the inevitable challenges that arise in raising children.

The Future of Humanity Requires Us To:

01

Attach

Raise our children with secure attachment

In order for kids to grow up healthy and most able to grow up into their full potential, they must not have to work for their parent’s love, affection and connection. Children need their parents to anticipate and fulfill their psychological and emotional needs without the child needing to do anything. Children need a secure base from which they can explore. In order to successfully do this, parents will need to be doing the work at the foundational level. They can use the times they are triggered and otherwise activated by their children as the fodder for their growth.

02

Learn

Understand trauma in order to prevent it

In order to prevent trauma, we must understand it. Parents and schools should be trauma-informed and should be prioritizing secure attachment and relationships first before academics.

03

Connect

Prioritize the relationship over behavior management

Children cooperate when they feel connected, understood and valued.

04

Allow

Allow our children to be their authentic selves

Rather than focus on molding our kids into someone we wish them to be, we must shift toward allowing them to become who they are meant to be.

05

Regulate

We must develop emotional intelligence and resilience

This does not come from toughening them up. Rather this comes from the foundational work – our inner work. The more our nervous system is regulated, the more emotionally intelligent, the more conscious and the more resilient we are, the more they will be able to learn from us and co-regulate to us. This will provide them with the inner skills and resources to thrive in an unpredictable and challenging world.

06

Support

Round them out by allowing space to develop

We must be watching for the places where they excel and are gifted and allow for those to flourish. However, we must also be looking for places within them that need a little extra support. For example, if they tend to be very intelligent and school comes easily, there is no need to focus there, but perhaps you will need to spend a little more focus on allowing space for them to develop some of their emotional intelligence. This is not to downplay their strengths or even try to get them to be masters in other areas – rather to provide them with the confidence and well-roundedness to thrive in relationships.

07

Socialize

Intentionally condition our children

No conditioning at all is not helpful. We must be aware of how much our kids are conditioned by us and our biases, by our family, media, school, friends, etc. Rather than protect our kids from this, we engage in dialogue, help them to be a free thinker and critical thinker. Make some things non-negotiable and most things conversation starters. Pro-social conditioning will make our children easier to be with and more likeable which is important. If our kids are teased a lot, bullied or otherwise not welcomed into the community, he/she will struggle in other ways.

08

Care

Make parenting something you learn to do better

It’s easy to just think that parenting should be natural. And to some degree it is. But it also requires attention and a commitment to learn – to watch our children, to be present with them, to have patience with ourselves to see what emerges in situations. To resist the instinctual desire to be overprotective and to resist the reactivity that wells up inside of us at times. Parenting requires us to put the needs of our kids ahead of our own, requires us to constantly do our own work and create a support system for ourselves.

09

Trust

Parents must feel free to trust themselves and make financial sacrifices

Swimming upstream is hard, but we must be willing to make our children a priority. We must be willing to go against what others say if we know it’s best for our children and our family.

10

Play

Bring back play and recess at School

Teachers need to prioritize the relationship first. Academics will come naturally when a child feels supported and cared for and when his/her basic needs are met. Academics are needed but there must be a way to meet the kids where they are rather than setting an arbitrary timeline for what our kids should achieve. Some will move quickly, some slowly. It all needs to be more aligned with each child’s natural development.  

The way forward

Impact the future of humanity

Recommended Reading & Resources

Find a New Perspective

How to Make Sure Your Kids FEEL Unconditionally Loved

How to Make Sure Your Kids FEEL Unconditionally Loved

I know you love your kids. Unconditionally. The real question isn’t whether we love our kids, but rather – do they FEEL loved unconditionally. You may be thinking, “Of course they do!” But so often I find that we make love and acceptance conditional—without even...

15 Tips to Stay Connected to Your Tweens and Teens

15 Tips to Stay Connected to Your Tweens and Teens

The most common theme with my clients who have kids aged 8 and up is their concern that their relationship is changing and their fear that they’ll lose their close connected relationship with their kids as they get older. My experience and research tells me that we...

Why I Ignore My Kids

Why I Ignore My Kids

The other day my son came home from school and I ignored him. Or that’s what it might have looked like. But really, I was connecting on his terms. Read more Expanded Views on Parenting. It kills me a little bit. When my kids come home, I want to check in: “How was...

Who Am I to Tell You How to Parent?

Who Am I to Tell You How to Parent?

Against my better judgment and intentions, I still jump in with solutions even when I know my kids should figure stuff out on their own. I still give too much advice. Just tonight at bedtime my son told me something and I didn’t handle it the way I wished I would...

How to Respond When Your Kids “Disrespect” You

How to Respond When Your Kids “Disrespect” You

Is it important to you that your kids have a voice? You know – that they question things, not just take things at face value, and feel like they can stand up for things they believe in? Read more Expanded Views on Parenting. Yea? Me too. It’s actually really important...

How To Raise Kids To Be Prepared For This Wild New World

How To Raise Kids To Be Prepared For This Wild New World

If we want our kids to be successful, emotionally healthy, and happy in this wild, new world we live in, we need to shift the parenting paradigm. Read more Expanded Views on Parenting Whether you’re looking into the eyes of your new baby, bringing your child to...

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