Work With Deb
Parenting 3.0 Podcast
Future of Humanity
New Perspectives on Parenting, Family, and Education
Today’s children create tomorrow’s innovator, leaders, employees, entrepreneurs, doctors, politicians and more. Raising kids with a secure attachment (which requires responsive parents who create the conditions for their children to bond) creates a better workforce, less mental illness, more creativity, and fewer sick days.
For moms who get it all done & want to raise thriving kids.
I love what you’re doing with your family. I see you striving for greatness, putting so much time and work into everything you do for them. Learning everything you can to raise your kids in a healthy way. But maybe you’re wondering, what’s next? Where do you go from here, to create a family life that fulfills you, brings you closer to your loved ones, and makes you feel fully alive? How can you get there from here? How can you raise your kids in an impactful way?
Parent in technicolor
Together with Jai Flicker, Deb Blum hosts The Parenting 3.0 Podcast.
Time for an upgrade?
For most of human history, people have parented the way their parents and grandparents did, with culture providing the cues. We didn’t have to ask questions – we just learned from our elders and culture around us. Parents didn’t think about being “good” parents, they just parented based on tradition and instinct. The quality of our parenting was largely an accident of the family we grew up in and the culture we inherited. Often this followed a more dominant or authoritarian parenting style where the parent “knows best” and the kids followed the rule book.
Along the way, for various cultural reasons, parents started turning to experts to learn to parent instead of following the lead of their parents and grandparents. This was the beginning of intentional parenting. In some cases this evolution allowed for real advances, but over time, an endless stream of conflicting advice has led to confusion as we’ve lost touch with our natural parenting instincts. Often this results in parents orienting around the child, wanting more connection with their kids, but feeling like there are no clear guidelines therefore parenting feels hard.
All parents – and kids – want, and need, to feel close and connected. Securely attached kids are more likely to develop healthy self-esteem, show greater resilience and achieve greater emotional regulation. Parenting 3.0 is an integrated parenting framework designed to support parents to be the most competent, effective parent they can be by curating the best parenting wisdom and research. We offer a new parenting story that will awaken and empower our natural parenting instincts so we can confidently navigate the inevitable challenges that arise in raising children.
The Future of Humanity Requires Us To:
Raise our children with secure attachment
In order for kids to grow up healthy and most able to grow up into their full potential, they must not have to work for their parent’s love, affection and connection. Children need their parents to anticipate and fulfill their psychological and emotional needs without the child needing to do anything. Children need a secure base from which they can explore. In order to successfully do this, parents will need to be doing the work at the foundational level. They can use the times they are triggered and otherwise activated by their children as the fodder for their growth.
Understand trauma in order to prevent it
In order to prevent trauma, we must understand it. Parents and schools should be trauma-informed and should be prioritizing secure attachment and relationships first before academics.
Prioritize the relationship over behavior management
Children cooperate when they feel connected, understood and valued.
Allow our children to be their authentic selves
Rather than focus on molding our kids into someone we wish them to be, we must shift toward allowing them to become who they are meant to be.
We must develop emotional intelligence and resilience
This does not come from toughening them up. Rather this comes from the foundational work – our inner work. The more our nervous system is regulated, the more emotionally intelligent, the more conscious and the more resilient we are, the more they will be able to learn from us and co-regulate to us. This will provide them with the inner skills and resources to thrive in an unpredictable and challenging world.
Round them out by allowing space to develop
We must be watching for the places where they excel and are gifted and allow for those to flourish. However, we must also be looking for places within them that need a little extra support. For example, if they tend to be very intelligent and school comes easily, there is no need to focus there, but perhaps you will need to spend a little more focus on allowing space for them to develop some of their emotional intelligence. This is not to downplay their strengths or even try to get them to be masters in other areas – rather to provide them with the confidence and well-roundedness to thrive in relationships.
Intentionally condition our children
No conditioning at all is not helpful. We must be aware of how much our kids are conditioned by us and our biases, by our family, media, school, friends, etc. Rather than protect our kids from this, we engage in dialogue, help them to be a free thinker and critical thinker. Make some things non-negotiable and most things conversation starters. Pro-social conditioning will make our children easier to be with and more likeable which is important. If our kids are teased a lot, bullied or otherwise not welcomed into the community, he/she will struggle in other ways.
Make parenting something you learn to do better
It’s easy to just think that parenting should be natural. And to some degree it is. But it also requires attention and a commitment to learn – to watch our children, to be present with them, to have patience with ourselves to see what emerges in situations. To resist the instinctual desire to be overprotective and to resist the reactivity that wells up inside of us at times. Parenting requires us to put the needs of our kids ahead of our own, requires us to constantly do our own work and create a support system for ourselves.
Parents must feel free to trust themselves and make financial sacrifices
Swimming upstream is hard, but we must be willing to make our children a priority. We must be willing to go against what others say if we know it’s best for our children and our family.
Bring back play and recess at School
Teachers need to prioritize the relationship first. Academics will come naturally when a child feels supported and cared for and when his/her basic needs are met. Academics are needed but there must be a way to meet the kids where they are rather than setting an arbitrary timeline for what our kids should achieve. Some will move quickly, some slowly. It all needs to be more aligned with each child’s natural development.
The way forward
Impact the future of humanity
Recommended Reading & Resources
- Elevating Childcare: A Guide to Respectful Parenting – Janet Lansbury
- Becoming the Parent You Want to Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years – Laura David
- Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive – Dr. Daniel Siegel
- The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind – Dr. Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
- The Awakened Family – Dr. Shefali Tsabary
- Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn’t Work… and What Will – Dr. Shefali Tsabary
- Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust – Dr. Kenneth R. Ginsberg
- Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting – Laura Markham
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk – by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- Siblings Without Rivalry – by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- ZivaMind by Emily Fletcher – this was one of the best meditation trainings I’ve taken – it’s online and easy as can be!
- Hold Onto Your Kids – by Gordon Neufeld
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