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Coach’s Response to the Question: “How do I stop criticizing and snapping at my kids?”

I don’t know anyone who never snaps or criticizes their kids, but I know everyone wishes they did it less. I asked 11 coaches to tell us their point of view on this topic. The challenge for you is to pick the one that resonates MOST with you and practice it for a few...

Some Not Too Lame Family Rules for Smartphone Usage

At some point, most teens will have a smartphone and will prefer that it’s attached to them at all times. My 12-year-old son literally went from his phone never being charged to him wanting it attached to his body at all times. The good news is that I now know that...

Why I’m Glad I Shattered my iPhone Screen

  “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” ―Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism I finally made the decision to get the iPhone 6 plus. The truth is, I vacillated on it because I feared it would be too big and awkward. Once I got it, I was pretty excited and fell...

Follow Your Joy, Teens Wreaking Havoc & What Great Parents Do

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ~Joseph Campbell “People who follow their joy experience the fullness of their being,” says Robert Holden. How do we follow our joy? There is...

Raising Kids Who Are Good, Kind People Still Matters

Responsibility and kindness are important to many parents In a survey done by Pew Research in the Fall of 2014, it came out that the quality that most parents want to teach their children is responsibility. In groups that identify as consistently liberal, coming in...

Smartphones: the Good, the Bad, & the Sexty

Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky.” ~ Brene Brown My oldest son is 12 and I am noticing him keeping his phone right by his side, trying to look at it...

What Great Parents Do Well

Donald Miller, author of the new book Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy, reports that healthy and high-functioning people often have parents who do not hide their flaws, especially from their own children. “Healthy people tend to come from...

15 Parents Share their Thoughts about Technology and Our Kids

This week, at our local public middle school, we hosted a Principal’s Coffee chat where technology was the topic. In small groups, we brainstormed about the upsides to technology and the things we wonder (and worry) about…the questions that are swirling in our brains....

It’s Too Late, You Snapped at Your Kid. Now What?

So you snapped. Maybe you overreacted or said something you wished you didn’t say. Yes, it’s true, it’s the human condition – we are imperfect. (I like to say that we are perfectly imperfect) It doesn’t mean we just resign ourselves to reactive behaviors. We should do...

Use Common Sense with Digital Media

Last night I went to an event where the founder of Common Sense Media, Jim Steyer, spoke. It was interesting on many levels so I wanted to share what I learned 🙂 About Common Sense Media Do you use their website for your family? Quite honestly it’s been our go-to...

You are humanity's greatest hope.

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Parenting

 

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Parenting 3.0 Podcast

Future of Humanity

Resources

FOR ALL OF YOU WHO KNOW THAT HOW WE RAISE, EDUCATE, AND RELATE TO OUR KIDS MATTERS

We’re living in uncertain, chaotic, and challenging times. How the adults respond to our circumstances, how we lead our children through, will make a difference in how they grow from, learn from, and reflect upon this period in our history. It’s our responsibility to do our own inner work that enables us to be the parents, teachers, and leaders our kids need us to be. Together, we can find a new way forward that will cultivate future generations of resilient, securely attached, thriving, and well-prepared adults.

The way forward

Impact the future of humanity through your Parenting

Let’s Explore What’s Possible Together

For moms who get it all done & want to raise thriving kids.

I love what you’re doing with your family. I see you striving for greatness, putting so much time and work into everything you do for them. Learning everything you can to raise your kids in a healthy way. But maybe you’re wondering, what’s next? Where do you go from here, to create a family life that fulfills you, brings you closer to your loved ones, and makes you feel fully alive? How can you get there from here? How can you raise your kids in an impactful way?

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Parent in technicolor

Together with Jai Flicker, Deb Blum hosts The Parenting 3.0 Podcast.

Time for an upgrade?

Parenting 1.0

For most of human history, people have parented the way their parents and grandparents did, with culture providing the cues. We didn’t have to ask questions – we just learned from our elders and culture around us. Parents didn’t think about being “good” parents, they just parented based on tradition and instinct. The quality of our parenting was largely an accident of the family we grew up in and the culture we inherited. Often this followed a more dominant or authoritarian parenting style where the parent “knows best” and the kids followed the rule book.

Parenting 2.0

Along the way, for various cultural reasons, parents started turning to experts to learn to parent instead of following the lead of their parents and grandparents. This was the beginning of intentional parenting. In some cases this evolution allowed for real advances, but over time, an endless stream of conflicting advice has led to confusion as we’ve lost touch with our natural parenting instincts. Often this results in parents orienting around the child, wanting more connection with their kids, but feeling like there are no clear guidelines therefore parenting feels hard.

Parenting 3.0

All parents – and kids – want, and need, to feel close and connected. Securely attached kids are more likely to develop healthy self-esteem, show greater resilience and achieve greater emotional regulation. Parenting 3.0 is an integrated parenting framework designed to support parents to be the most competent, effective parent they can be by curating the best parenting wisdom and research. We offer a new parenting story that will awaken and empower our natural parenting instincts so we can confidently navigate the inevitable challenges that arise in raising children.

The Future of Humanity Requires Us To:

01

Attach

Raise our children with secure attachment

In order for kids to grow up healthy and most able to grow up into their full potential, they must not have to work for their parent’s love, affection and connection. Children need their parents to anticipate and fulfill their psychological and emotional needs without the child needing to do anything. Children need a secure base from which they can explore. In order to successfully do this, parents will need to be doing the work at the foundational level. They can use the times they are triggered and otherwise activated by their children as the fodder for their growth.

02

Learn

Understand trauma in order to prevent it

In order to prevent trauma, we must understand it. Parents and schools should be trauma-informed and should be prioritizing secure attachment and relationships first before academics.

03

Connect

Prioritize the relationship over behavior management

Children cooperate when they feel connected, understood and valued.

04

Allow

Allow our children to be their authentic selves

Rather than focus on molding our kids into someone we wish them to be, we must shift toward allowing them to become who they are meant to be.

05

Regulate

We must develop emotional intelligence and resilience

This does not come from toughening them up. Rather this comes from the foundational work – our inner work. The more our nervous system is regulated, the more emotionally intelligent, the more conscious and the more resilient we are, the more they will be able to learn from us and co-regulate to us. This will provide them with the inner skills and resources to thrive in an unpredictable and challenging world.

06

Support

Round them out by allowing space to develop

We must be watching for the places where they excel and are gifted and allow for those to flourish. However, we must also be looking for places within them that need a little extra support. For example, if they tend to be very intelligent and school comes easily, there is no need to focus there, but perhaps you will need to spend a little more focus on allowing space for them to develop some of their emotional intelligence. This is not to downplay their strengths or even try to get them to be masters in other areas – rather to provide them with the confidence and well-roundedness to thrive in relationships.

07

Socialize

Intentionally condition our children

No conditioning at all is not helpful. We must be aware of how much our kids are conditioned by us and our biases, by our family, media, school, friends, etc. Rather than protect our kids from this, we engage in dialogue, help them to be a free thinker and critical thinker. Make some things non-negotiable and most things conversation starters. Pro-social conditioning will make our children easier to be with and more likeable which is important. If our kids are teased a lot, bullied or otherwise not welcomed into the community, he/she will struggle in other ways.

08

Care

Make parenting something you learn to do better

It’s easy to just think that parenting should be natural. And to some degree it is. But it also requires attention and a commitment to learn – to watch our children, to be present with them, to have patience with ourselves to see what emerges in situations. To resist the instinctual desire to be overprotective and to resist the reactivity that wells up inside of us at times. Parenting requires us to put the needs of our kids ahead of our own, requires us to constantly do our own work and create a support system for ourselves.

09

Trust

Parents must feel free to trust themselves and make financial sacrifices

Swimming upstream is hard, but we must be willing to make our children a priority. We must be willing to go against what others say if we know it’s best for our children and our family.

10

Play

Bring back play and recess at School

Teachers need to prioritize the relationship first. Academics will come naturally when a child feels supported and cared for and when his/her basic needs are met. Academics are needed but there must be a way to meet the kids where they are rather than setting an arbitrary timeline for what our kids should achieve. Some will move quickly, some slowly. It all needs to be more aligned with each child’s natural development.  

Recommended Reading & Resources

Find a New Perspective

Some Not Too Lame Family Rules for Smartphone Usage

Some Not Too Lame Family Rules for Smartphone Usage

At some point, most teens will have a smartphone and will prefer that it’s attached to them at all times. My 12-year-old son literally went from his phone never being charged to him wanting it attached to his body at all times. The good news is that I now know that...

Why I’m Glad I Shattered my iPhone Screen

Why I’m Glad I Shattered my iPhone Screen

  “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” ―Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism I finally made the decision to get the iPhone 6 plus. The truth is, I vacillated on it because I feared it would be too big and awkward. Once I got it, I was pretty excited and fell...

Follow Your Joy, Teens Wreaking Havoc & What Great Parents Do

Follow Your Joy, Teens Wreaking Havoc & What Great Parents Do

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ~Joseph Campbell “People who follow their joy experience the fullness of their being,” says Robert Holden. How do we follow our joy? There is...

Raising Kids Who Are Good, Kind People Still Matters

Raising Kids Who Are Good, Kind People Still Matters

Responsibility and kindness are important to many parents In a survey done by Pew Research in the Fall of 2014, it came out that the quality that most parents want to teach their children is responsibility. In groups that identify as consistently liberal, coming in...

Smartphones: the Good, the Bad, & the Sexty

Smartphones: the Good, the Bad, & the Sexty

Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky.” ~ Brene Brown My oldest son is 12 and I am noticing him keeping his phone right by his side, trying to look at it...

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