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Coach’s Response to the Question: “How do I stop criticizing and snapping at my kids?”

I don’t know anyone who never snaps or criticizes their kids, but I know everyone wishes they did it less. I asked 11 coaches to tell us their point of view on this topic. The challenge for you is to pick the one that resonates MOST with you and practice it for a few...

Some Not Too Lame Family Rules for Smartphone Usage

At some point, most teens will have a smartphone and will prefer that it’s attached to them at all times. My 12-year-old son literally went from his phone never being charged to him wanting it attached to his body at all times. The good news is that I now know that...

Why I’m Glad I Shattered my iPhone Screen

  “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” ―Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism I finally made the decision to get the iPhone 6 plus. The truth is, I vacillated on it because I feared it would be too big and awkward. Once I got it, I was pretty excited and fell...

Follow Your Joy, Teens Wreaking Havoc & What Great Parents Do

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ~Joseph Campbell “People who follow their joy experience the fullness of their being,” says Robert Holden. How do we follow our joy? There is...

Raising Kids Who Are Good, Kind People Still Matters

Responsibility and kindness are important to many parents In a survey done by Pew Research in the Fall of 2014, it came out that the quality that most parents want to teach their children is responsibility. In groups that identify as consistently liberal, coming in...

Smartphones: the Good, the Bad, & the Sexty

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What Great Parents Do Well

Donald Miller, author of the new book Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy, reports that healthy and high-functioning people often have parents who do not hide their flaws, especially from their own children. “Healthy people tend to come from...

15 Parents Share their Thoughts about Technology and Our Kids

This week, at our local public middle school, we hosted a Principal’s Coffee chat where technology was the topic. In small groups, we brainstormed about the upsides to technology and the things we wonder (and worry) about…the questions that are swirling in our brains....

It’s Too Late, You Snapped at Your Kid. Now What?

So you snapped. Maybe you overreacted or said something you wished you didn’t say. Yes, it’s true, it’s the human condition – we are imperfect. (I like to say that we are perfectly imperfect) It doesn’t mean we just resign ourselves to reactive behaviors. We should do...

Use Common Sense with Digital Media

Last night I went to an event where the founder of Common Sense Media, Jim Steyer, spoke. It was interesting on many levels so I wanted to share what I learned 🙂 About Common Sense Media Do you use their website for your family? Quite honestly it’s been our go-to...

You are humanity's greatest hope.

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Personal Growth

 

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Future of Humanity

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New Perspectives on Personal Growth

What if healing, regulating our nervous systems and bringing our most authentic selves to the world is the most courageous act of activism you could do? What if aligning to our true nature and living on our unique life path is radical activism?

It’s hard to know what the right path forward could be these days. Often we hear people’s solutions to global problems and we aren’t quite sure we’re on board with that solution fully but we don’t know what would be better. There is a way that becoming more confused and unsure is a really good first step toward being a free thinker, toward realizing that your voice is needed as we discuss these world problems we face. Not necessarily publicly, but at least internally or in your close relationships. When we start to express through journaling and in conversation, we begin to see who we really are, what we really think and how we look at the world. It’s so easy to be passive consumers of other people’s thinking – to outsource it to journalists and educators and leaders. But we need to reclaim that power. And remember we would not be here if our voice and our being here didn’t matter. You DO matter. And it’s time to claim your place in this world and to share your voice, thoughts, gifts, opinions, perspectives and ideas. Without you, the Universe is incomplete and the planet is out of balance.

 

The way forward

Impact the future of humanity through your Personal Growth

Let’s Explore What’s Possible Together

The Future of Humanity Requires Us To:

01

Upgrade

Upgrade our self-knowledge

Master our minds, regulate our nervous systems, reduce our stress and manage our emotions.

02

Heart

Move from our head into our heart and body

We live in a society that keeps us in our heads. Even when we feel feelings, we often move to our heads to analyze them rather than to fully feel them. It seems scary to show up vulnerably and to feel our feelings and our body sensations but this is the pathway to more joy and to being able to feel more compassion for ourselves and others and to feel more empathetic. And when we start to do this, we realize it’s not nearly as scary as we imagined it to be.

03

Show Up

Get Real

Drop the masks and personas and start showing up as the real you. Our masks will always be there for us when we need them. But become aware of when you are wearing a mask vs. being your true self.

04

Lean In

Lean into discomfort

While it’s so easy to want to isolate and avoid difficult situations, especially in a time where it seems that we are constantly watching conflict on TV, seeing scathing remarks on Social Media and being subjected to other people’s impatience and high reactivity. But, the more we isolate, the more we want to isolate. It’s time to get out (into community and into activities) and lean in (to the discomfort you may feel). Avoidance exacerbates anxiety, loneliness and suffering. In an attempt to avoid suffering, we create more suffering. The antidote is courage.

05

Deepen

Deepen our relational awareness, knowledge and skill

Take the risk to engage in difficult conversations, face conflict, listen more and stand up for ourselves. We can learn how to use our relationships – with our partners, kids, friends, parents, work colleagues, and anyone else who triggers us – as the precise information that we need to point us toward that which needs some attention within us.

06

Accept

Replace self-improvement with self-acceptance

Self-improvement is so 1990 😉 It’s 2020 and it’s time to do some shadow work so we can accept ourselves, flaws, mistakes, regrets and all. Society teaches us that if we accept the “negative” parts of ourselves we’re bad or may act in bad ways. It’s the opposite, when we accept all of ourselves, we reclaim the power to choose how we show up in every moment. And we feel whole, alive and at peace.

07

Heal

Heal ourselves so we can heal others and the planet

Once we’ve begun to walk ourselves home to ourselves, we then give permission to and invite others to walk home to themselves – the more we heal, the more compassion and capacity we have to support and care for others. Our healed heart allows us to remove the barriers we have put up against love and be less defended and armored up around others. As we heal, we’ll be able to show up more authentically. As we heal our nervous systems and become more regulated, others can co- regulate to our nervous system. And as more people have regulated nervous systems, the earth may be able to regulate herself once again.

08

Be Brave

Be brave enough to be who we were put here to be

It’s time for us to discover who we truly are and bring forth our “God-given” gifts, stand in our unique individuality, express ourselves fully, take courageous action and live our truth. Imagine that you were put here, on earth, to bring some special unique element to the larger picture of the Universe. There are no mistakes – we are exactly what is needed – our voice, our unique gifts, our essence, our quirkiness – which means we must look beneath the armor, the defensiveness, the masks we wear and find the truth of who we are and bring that to the world. The world is waiting for YOU to follow your soul’s path. Radical self-acceptance is at the core of our ability to do this.

09

Model

Be the change we wish to see in the world

If we want peace in the world, we need to make sure we have peace in our hearts. If we judge someone else out there, we must look inside for the parts of us that we judge and reject. If we want someone to be doing something better, we can use that as a path for us to live in integrity with that value in our lives and relationships. Don’t let other people’s bad behaviors erode your integrity and allow you to justify stooping to their level.

10

Trailblaze

Show up

Often we do our inner healing work and only show up in the world as our “true selves” with a small group of friends or family. The world needs each of us to show up fully in increasingly public ways – pushing our edges a bit more, courageously stepping into our truth, expressing more, playing bigger, shining brighter. The world can’t wait any longer. We need each other to be the trailblazers for authentic expression.

11

Hold Truths

Embrace Many Truths

There is rarely one thing that is true. Many people have many perspectives and they are generally all very valuable to consider. The more we can all hold many truths, even within ourselves, the more we can live in the world with greater nuance and flexibility. When we hold the possibility for many things to be true, we can find creative, compassionate and generative solutions.

12

Thrive

Learn how to be in this wild world and still thrive

The world is likely to get more chaotic and unpredictable. It’s time to stop settling for an anxious, stressed out, depressed and overwhelmed existence where we feel reactive and on edge too often and too painfully. We can learn how to live in this world in a more harmonious way not by tuning out and disconnecting, rather by developing (a) inner resilience, emotional intelligence, a regulated nervous system and a strong sense of self, (b) more consciousness, (c) fulfilling relationships and a supportive community and (d) a ton more compassion for ourselves and others. Ironically, we think we need to defend ourselves to live in this world, but actually we need to heal ourselves. Our connection to ourselves, our feelings, our bodies and to others and the Universe is the source of our strength and resilience.

13

Stop

Stop waiting around for others to change the world FOR us

We often wish for others – like leaders, politicians, business owners, husbands, wives, parents, etc. to make the world a better place. We want them to be more honest, more integrity, to care more about all humans, to fix climate change, to change laws, etc. It’s not that those things aren’t important too, but our greatest power is to create the world we wish to see “out there” in our own hearts, in our own homes and in our own communities. There is no one coming to save us, we must save ourselves.

14

Listen

Increase our tolerance to listen to ideas we disagree with or dislike

Defensive responses and shutting down others is not going to be viable in the future. We have too many people and too many diverse viewpoints. As we heal our nervous systems, we will be able to appreciate differences without needing to convince another they are wrong. We can be willing and able to have our thoughts expanded and our perspective widened by others. We can seek to have our edges pushed rather than staying in the comfort zone of our belief systems. And we can begin to compassionately listen to one another and try to understand what our inner experience is that has us believing what we believe rather than rejecting it because it’s not aligned with our inner experience and world view.

15

Allow

No longer sacrifice our integrity or authenticity to fit in

We’ve historically bonded over our shared belief systems and ways of living. You fit in if you do this or believe this and you don’t if you don’t. As a culture we will do best if we begin to value authenticity over ingratiation. And we must not only do this for ourselves, but also give permission to others. What this means is that we have an opportunity to create a culture and a world where people are accepted and ‘belong’ for our individuality, uniqueness and authentic selves rather than because they fit into a set of ideologies. The ideology becomes one of individuality, deep care for others, walking one another home to oneself, etc.

16

Seek

Be a truth teller and truth seeker

When you see others lying, further commit to telling the truth as best you know it. See truth and speak truth. Trust yourself and your inner compass as you are listening to others.

17

Prioritize

Advocate for companies to support personal growth and healing

Imagine if companies were to prioritize teaching employees how to handle criticism, difficult conversations, and challenging situations. Companies could hire coaches and other counseling staff on their staff to support employees to work through inquiry around their conflicts and reactivity. Businesses could hire counseling support staff for their employees to do trauma healing work, learn more interpersonal skills, do foundational level work and to deal with situations. There need to be skilled staff to deal with employee grievances and challenges in a restorative way rather than punitively.

Life is begging for you to discover your true self and to bring your gifts and unique perspective to the world.

I believe that each one of us is a critically important piece of the puzzle of life and it’s our responsibility to own that and to live to our potential.

The more we heal ourselves – our trauma, childhood wounding and relational ruptures – the more capacity we have for compassion and care of others. Often, we can be a very compassionate person on the outside but inside we feel resentful and angry. Our fears and our worries can hold us back from being our true selves – being vulnerable and authentic can be scary. It’s only when we do our inner work and have the support of others on their path too that we can begin to feel psychologically safe enough to know who we are and to reveal that to the world. True compassion and care for others and the world emerge from a deep well of self-love, self-compassion and self-care.

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Tips To Calm Your Nervous System “In The Moment”

Tips To Calm Your Nervous System “In The Moment”

Bring your attention to your physical sensations in your body Feel the chair under your butt, your feet on the ground. Notice your breath and what it does. Pay attention to sensations in your body - heat, coolness, tingling, tension. Put your attention there. Notice...

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