Tips and Resources to Help Keep Your Nervous System Calm During the Coronavirus Shelter-in-Place Times

Even if you're a nervous system regulation ninja, times like this can get us dysregulated. And the health of our nervous system impacts our patience levels, our anxiety levels, our reactivity, our ability to stay present, our sleep, our productivity...and, because our...

Tips To Calm Your Nervous System “In The Moment”

Bring your attention to your physical sensations in your body Feel the chair under your butt, your feet on the ground. Notice your breath and what it does. Pay attention to sensations in your body - heat, coolness, tingling, tension. Put your attention there. Notice...

How to Make Sure Your Kids FEEL Unconditionally Loved

I know you love your kids. Unconditionally. The real question isn’t whether we love our kids, but rather – do they FEEL loved unconditionally. You may be thinking, “Of course they do!” But so often I find that we make love and acceptance conditional—without even...

15 Tips to Stay Connected to Your Tweens and Teens

The most common theme with my clients who have kids aged 8 and up is their concern that their relationship is changing and their fear that they’ll lose their close connected relationship with their kids as they get older. My experience and research tells me that we...

Why I Ignore My Kids

The other day my son came home from school and I ignored him. Or that’s what it might have looked like. But really, I was connecting on his terms. Read more Expanded Views on Parenting. It kills me a little bit. When my kids come home, I want to check in: “How was...

Who Am I to Tell You How to Parent?

Against my better judgment and intentions, I still jump in with solutions even when I know my kids should figure stuff out on their own. I still give too much advice. Just tonight at bedtime my son told me something and I didn’t handle it the way I wished I would...

How to Respond When Your Kids “Disrespect” You

Is it important to you that your kids have a voice? You know – that they question things, not just take things at face value, and feel like they can stand up for things they believe in? Read more Expanded Views on Parenting. Yea? Me too. It’s actually really important...

How To Raise Kids To Be Prepared For This Wild New World

If we want our kids to be successful, emotionally healthy, and happy in this wild, new world we live in, we need to shift the parenting paradigm. Read more Expanded Views on Parenting Whether you’re looking into the eyes of your new baby, bringing your child to...

How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding to Your Teen

Parents and kids have the ability to trigger each other as no one else can. Read more Expanded Views on Parenting. “You have no idea what a bad day I had…I have no patience for you right now…” “What were you thinking!?!?” “You need to learn a lesson about respect,...

I Screwed Up! Repairing Trust With Your Child

Recently I was triggered and totally reacted to my son in a way I wished I had not. In the midst of my temper tantrum, I noticed his expression and could see that he was really impacted, I could see the sadness in his eyes and the discomfort in his body language. Read...

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Discover Your Path Forward

Against my better judgment and intentions, I still jump in with solutions even when I know my kids should figure stuff out on their own. I still give too much advice. Just tonight at bedtime my son told me something and I didn’t handle it the way I wished I would have.

Read more Expanded Views on Parenting.

I’m irritable. I make frustrated faces and use an impatient tone.

Sometimes we have too much on our plate. I get super impatient and am totally distracted — the opposite of being in the moment or present.

I let my kids play M-rated video games. Heck, I even watch them and ask questions. They’re on their phones way more than I want them to be. And I’m not being a good role model as I sit on my computer and have my phone on me all the time.

I worry about sex and drugs and the pressures that my kids face. I don’t have good solutions for so many of the challenges our kids are up against these days.

Who am I to tell anybody how to parent their kids?
I hear that question in my head some (okay, many) days. I’m no expert. I screw up. Who am I to help other parents?

But I do. Help them.

Being a parenting coach isn’t about telling people how to parent, it’s about giving them new tools and skills (that most of us never learned) to do the work of parenting. It’s about helping parents find their own inner voice and confidence and learning new ways to relate to their kids. But sometimes my ego gets in the way and I think it’s about me … that I need to have “the answers” to be a parent coach (kind of like we think we need all the answers for our kids to be a good parent). And then I remind myself that it’s never been about me — I’m simply giving parents the sacred space for their own transformation.

Inner Critic

I’ve been doing my own transformation work for over seven years and practicing conscious parenting for over four, even before I had a name for it. And it’s a practice, which means some days I am empathetic and untriggered—and some days I lose my sh#t on my kids. When I do, I repair trust (which might include an apology). I reconnect. I keep doing. We all screw up sometimes.

I’ve surrendered to being imperfect, as a parent and as a person. (Ha! As if perfection was really ever an option.)

Now I practice being REAL.

I love listening to other parents and helping them through the voices they hear saying, “Who are you to . . .?” We hear (or imagine) ourselves being judged by the other moms at school drop off or by anonymous voices online. Even before we’re born, people are telling us what we should do and not do.

The Internet lets us connect ever more with people. We can quickly poll friends or strangers to find out “What would you do if your kid was accused of bullying?” or “How did you start talking to your tween about sex?” Sometimes we get great ideas. Sometimes we get overloaded. And sometimes we hear, “You aren’t enough.”

You are enough. You do have something to offer. Yes, even when you mess up. Even when you’re imperfect.

Start here:

  • Let go—forgive yourself for the stupid crap you did in the past that you continue to beat yourself up about
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Be more gentle, loving and compassionate towards yourself (would you say those rotten things to your best friend?)
  • See your own unique awesomeness (it’s what makes you you)
  • Fall in love with yourself (really, you are lovable and worthy, imperfections and all)!

Who am I to be a parent coach?

I’m Deb, and I believe in imperfection and embracing my own inner uniqueness (dare I say weirdness). I am enough. I’m here in service to parents who are ready to commit to themselves, their personal transformation, their families.

Who are you?

You can move beyond “Who am I” to a confident “I am.” Start embracing all of yourself – imperfections and awesomeness together. Start loving yourself, because self-love heals.

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