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Coach’s Response to the Question: “How do I stop criticizing and snapping at my kids?”

I don’t know anyone who never snaps or criticizes their kids, but I know everyone wishes they did it less. I asked 11 coaches to tell us their point of view on this topic. The challenge for you is to pick the one that resonates MOST with you and practice it for a few...

Some Not Too Lame Family Rules for Smartphone Usage

At some point, most teens will have a smartphone and will prefer that it’s attached to them at all times. My 12-year-old son literally went from his phone never being charged to him wanting it attached to his body at all times. The good news is that I now know that...

Why I’m Glad I Shattered my iPhone Screen

  “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” ―Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism I finally made the decision to get the iPhone 6 plus. The truth is, I vacillated on it because I feared it would be too big and awkward. Once I got it, I was pretty excited and fell...

Follow Your Joy, Teens Wreaking Havoc & What Great Parents Do

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ~Joseph Campbell “People who follow their joy experience the fullness of their being,” says Robert Holden. How do we follow our joy? There is...

Raising Kids Who Are Good, Kind People Still Matters

Responsibility and kindness are important to many parents In a survey done by Pew Research in the Fall of 2014, it came out that the quality that most parents want to teach their children is responsibility. In groups that identify as consistently liberal, coming in...

Smartphones: the Good, the Bad, & the Sexty

Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky.” ~ Brene Brown My oldest son is 12 and I am noticing him keeping his phone right by his side, trying to look at it...

What Great Parents Do Well

Donald Miller, author of the new book Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy, reports that healthy and high-functioning people often have parents who do not hide their flaws, especially from their own children. “Healthy people tend to come from...

15 Parents Share their Thoughts about Technology and Our Kids

This week, at our local public middle school, we hosted a Principal’s Coffee chat where technology was the topic. In small groups, we brainstormed about the upsides to technology and the things we wonder (and worry) about…the questions that are swirling in our brains....

It’s Too Late, You Snapped at Your Kid. Now What?

So you snapped. Maybe you overreacted or said something you wished you didn’t say. Yes, it’s true, it’s the human condition – we are imperfect. (I like to say that we are perfectly imperfect) It doesn’t mean we just resign ourselves to reactive behaviors. We should do...

Use Common Sense with Digital Media

Last night I went to an event where the founder of Common Sense Media, Jim Steyer, spoke. It was interesting on many levels so I wanted to share what I learned 🙂 About Common Sense Media Do you use their website for your family? Quite honestly it’s been our go-to...

You are humanity's greatest hope.

Get Your "Be More You" Guide Here

Against my better judgment and intentions, I still jump in with solutions even when I know my kids should figure stuff out on their own. I still give too much advice. Just tonight at bedtime my son told me something and I didn’t handle it the way I wished I would have.

Read more Expanded Views on Parenting.

I’m irritable. I make frustrated faces and use an impatient tone.

Sometimes we have too much on our plate. I get super impatient and am totally distracted — the opposite of being in the moment or present.

I let my kids play M-rated video games. Heck, I even watch them and ask questions. They’re on their phones way more than I want them to be. And I’m not being a good role model as I sit on my computer and have my phone on me all the time.

I worry about sex and drugs and the pressures that my kids face. I don’t have good solutions for so many of the challenges our kids are up against these days.

Who am I to tell anybody how to parent their kids?
I hear that question in my head some (okay, many) days. I’m no expert. I screw up. Who am I to help other parents?

But I do. Help them.

Being a parenting coach isn’t about telling people how to parent, it’s about giving them new tools and skills (that most of us never learned) to do the work of parenting. It’s about helping parents find their own inner voice and confidence and learning new ways to relate to their kids. But sometimes my ego gets in the way and I think it’s about me … that I need to have “the answers” to be a parent coach (kind of like we think we need all the answers for our kids to be a good parent). And then I remind myself that it’s never been about me — I’m simply giving parents the sacred space for their own transformation.

Inner Critic

I’ve been doing my own transformation work for over seven years and practicing conscious parenting for over four, even before I had a name for it. And it’s a practice, which means some days I am empathetic and untriggered—and some days I lose my sh#t on my kids. When I do, I repair trust (which might include an apology). I reconnect. I keep doing. We all screw up sometimes.

I’ve surrendered to being imperfect, as a parent and as a person. (Ha! As if perfection was really ever an option.)

Now I practice being REAL.

I love listening to other parents and helping them through the voices they hear saying, “Who are you to . . .?” We hear (or imagine) ourselves being judged by the other moms at school drop off or by anonymous voices online. Even before we’re born, people are telling us what we should do and not do.

The Internet lets us connect ever more with people. We can quickly poll friends or strangers to find out “What would you do if your kid was accused of bullying?” or “How did you start talking to your tween about sex?” Sometimes we get great ideas. Sometimes we get overloaded. And sometimes we hear, “You aren’t enough.”

You are enough. You do have something to offer. Yes, even when you mess up. Even when you’re imperfect.

Start here:

  • Let go—forgive yourself for the stupid crap you did in the past that you continue to beat yourself up about
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Be more gentle, loving and compassionate towards yourself (would you say those rotten things to your best friend?)
  • See your own unique awesomeness (it’s what makes you you)
  • Fall in love with yourself (really, you are lovable and worthy, imperfections and all)!

Who am I to be a parent coach?

I’m Deb, and I believe in imperfection and embracing my own inner uniqueness (dare I say weirdness). I am enough. I’m here in service to parents who are ready to commit to themselves, their personal transformation, their families.

Who are you?

You can move beyond “Who am I” to a confident “I am.” Start embracing all of yourself – imperfections and awesomeness together. Start loving yourself, because self-love heals.

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